I started running because for some reason when I feel the air in my face, I feel that I am breathing fine.
I started running because for someone who doesn’t want to run because she lacks stamina, I started feeling I could do something about the heaviness in my chest.
But the truth is that,
I started running because I want to forget about you. Because I want to catch up with some unknown reason on why you left and if only I could run as far as I could, I could get an answer as to why you left—without a word, without a goodbye. Just a question of my emotions.
I started running because for some reason, I started to think that I could see us doing this together—running together and all the promises you told me we would do.
I started running on the hope that I could run with you, side by side, together, without losing my breath.
I started to run because in that brief moment, I was reminded of who I am, what shaped me, my fears, my limitations.
I started to run because in that brief moment, I was also reminded of what scares me.
I am scared of running because I feel that I’ve been doing that all my life.
I thought I would stop running after I met you.
Running. I’ve done it all my life when I feel that I cannot put my feelings into words.
I am scared of running but you made me run again, and I hope to the universe that I find whatever it is I’m looking for, because I thought I started running to forget you, which I find it so hard at the moment.
But I realize I started running to find myself again after you left.
PS I keep reminding myself that the world is cruel, but I should not let it harden my heart. It’s the first time that I’ve been ghosted, but boy, does it feel so different with relationships that you had proper closure. But maybe no closure is closure. I just thank the universe for letting me run alone for over twenty four years now because I learned that the amount of self love I have made me not break. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re sleeping well. I wish you all the happiness.
Kimmy Journals 