Posted in Bravery, Comfort, Courage, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Life, Poem, Strength

Don’t Quit

don_t-quit
Photo Joey Bearbower

I happen to be sitting in a proper chair with my laptop on a desk, and I thought to myself that I haven’t written anything in the blog! Trust me, I think I’ll stop (typing) here…or not.  A lot of things had happened over the course of ten months.From moving back to Cebu, to adjusting at my workplace, and coping up with the complexity of what my emotions can do and cannot do.

Year 2018 is coming to a close. In two months, we’d all be preparing for 2019—new wishes, new dreams, new resolutions. And that sounds so exciting right now because half of what we want to do would be starting all over again.

Well, that’s great but let’s not forget the remaining days of the year. Let me share one of my fave poem, the poem that made my “coping” year bearable and light. My first encounter with this poem was when I was a fourth year high school student, and my economics teacher (Sir Herben Tautho) happen to pass around a laminated copy for each of us that year (for inspiration). Behold, it did come handy. I still kept my laminated copy and read it when I feel that I’m about to give up (everything). Hope it gives you a little bit of hope—wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling for the remaining two months of this year.

Don’t Quit

John Greenleaf Whittier

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns

And many a failure comes about

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out—

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell just how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

But don’t get me wrong. Whether it’s sticking to the fight or quitting and starting a new fight, at the end, follow what you want and your heart (cliche). Make your own decision. Own up to your choices.

Valete!

In dedication to our insecurities, our inner demons, and sometimes, our greatest enemy—ourselves. May we vanquish them at our own pace.

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Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Comfort, Courage, Dedication, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Strength, Wishes

Kim’s Journal: 2017’s Message 

thank you, pinterest image.

when you leave, it’s never a permanent leave as much as you hate to admit it. when you leave, it’s you bringing a piece of home on your new journey.

that’s why when you leave, you are reminded by that piece of what you have become and there’s this pull, you know? that at some point you have to pay that place a visit because a piece of that home will always be in you. 

i think that’s the one main beautiful thing, aside from a dozen beautiful things, of why home is not entirely the place you grew up, but a place that welcomed you, an organization that opened itself to you, and a person that extended his/her arms to you. 

and when you’re back from a very long journey, you’d notice that you want to call home and tell him/her, I’m going to visit. 

indeed, 2017 has been full of leaving. leaving the comfort of the university, leaving the organizations that you’ve grown to love, leaving the company of dear friends. 

but, 2017 has also been compensated well. arriving at the doorstep of new adventures. new comforts, new places and new friends. 

at the end, it’s never really a competition of how many goodbyes you have mustered up courage to say nor how many hellos you have managed to utter but how these moments made you realize that even if you said goodbyes to your old homes and hellos to new ones. even if one of them made you broken or half-okay. both of them will be home either way.

so 2018, i don’t know if i’d ever be ready. but bring it on y’all! 
Valete! 

In dedication to the old homes that I missed! I miss the talks, the laughters and the people in it. Also, to the new homes, thank you for taking me in, for taking a chance on someone who doesn’t have a clue how to maneuver the world outside the comforts of my bed.

Posted in Experiences

21 Wishes

world of pinterest

1. I wish your eyes will still sparkle like diamonds. Despite the tears that it shed at 9am after you found out that your dog died. Despite the tears that it shed at 12nn because you fought with your bestfriend.

2. I wish you will still see the beauty of every person you meet. Despite the race, the color, the culture and the religion.

3. I wish your mouth will still speak beautifully. The mouth that speaks kindness and truth amidst the corruption that lurks in the dark. The mouth that speaks no ill of one another, but instead speaks of encouragement and positivity that will whisper until the ends of the earth.

4. I wish you will echo the stories of passion, of dedication. The stories that are made from sweat and blood. The stories that will color and inspire every person you meet.

5. I wish your ears will still listen. The kind of listening that the world needs. It will understand the out-of-the-world dreams and hopes of humankind.

6. I wish it never gives up on people who need it the most. The people who clamor for company, for an ear to listen to their frustrations.

7. I wish your hand will still reach out to your loved ones — and even to strangers. The hand that will bring people up and not push them down to their graves.

8. I wish it will also know when to hold on to the things that mattered, that matter and will matter.

9. I wish it will let go of the hands that bruised it over and over again. It will let go of grudges, of people that have moved away from your life. Instead, it will accept people that will come even for a moment, even for a lifetime. It will hold on to new people, to new beginnings.

10. I wish your shoulders will hang in there. From the baggage that it carries and will still carry. Your shoulders are strong, but know when to put down the excess load hindering you from your flight.

11. I wish your feet will still carry you in your journey till you reach your destination. May it be at the beaches of Maldives or back home where you belong.

12. I wish it will take steps. Baby steps. Bigger steps. Taking risks, taking with you the courage of a mad man who believed that the world is round.

13. I wish your brain will still continue to distinguish the grey areas of the world. May it not be fooled with fake news and fake messages. May it be filled with knowledge that will contribute to the greatness of the entire race.

14. I wish your body well. As it evolves to different sizes. May you love every curve, every stretch mark, every scar.

15. I wish you would never harm the wonderful body that’s yours to keep. May it be filled with sensations that would ignite every little cell.

16. I wish you would never carelessly throw it to people who’d use it and trample it.

17. I wish that you will still find happiness. Despite the disappointments, despite the sadness that might rule over you.

18. I wish that you take good care of your mental health. Seek the people that you trust. Seek the help you will need.

19. I wish you will check your privilege. That privilege that could either break or make someone. Know that people have different rights granted to them, some need it more than you do. Before you brush off the fight for equality in the LGBT union, check your privilege. Before you silently disagree on free education, check your privilege. One has it tougher than you do.

20. I wish that you set your heart free. Let it feel. Let it love. Let it love over and over again. That you will love despite the first heartache, despite the second heartbreak. I wish it will love like it has never been hurt before. May it continue to love, love and love.

21. And lastly, I wish you would see your worth. You are not worth the abuse, you are not worth the unnecessary pain that you put on yourself. You are not any less. You deserve your dreams. You deserve the world. You deserve love.

Valete!

In dedication to everyone I encountered in my life, may it be a short one or a long one. You left footprints for me to echo, for me to question. Thank you for staying and leaving despite of. For my 21st birthday, I’m blowing 21 candles for my 21 wishes. 21 wishes that I’m dedicating and sending to you. May you find whatever you’ve been searching for.

truly yours, 21 and sober at the moment

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, She Said, Strength, Travel, Truth, Uncategorized, Walls, Work

Kim’s Journal: The Big Move

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Some days you just have to create color

“I’ve made impulsive and cautious decisions over the course of my life. With impulse, I’ve lost and made friends, money, opportunities and even myself. With caution, there’s still not much of a difference since I’ve also lost relationships, money, opportunities and even myself. But on the bright side, I’ve gained a will to carry on, a time to rethink my steps and gain wisdom (I hope so!).”

After graduation I was offered opportunities and I, being honest here, rejected and did not take them. It wasn’t entitlement, it was finding a sense of happiness and purpose, I guess. The reason? Well, I felt empty and quite nowhere. A few months before graduation, I felt that the topmost priority for me was a job! People kept asking where I will work or where I want to work. I answered them just to simply keep them from probing more questions that I didn’t want to answer, because the truthful answer that they wouldn’t have wanted to hear was, “I don’t know.”

I honestly don’t know. I’ve checked out opportunities and felt that it could work and suddenly when it came, I was the first one out of the door. I went into interviews but withdrew my application after the interviews because I felt that it wasn’t right. I entered engagements, but chickened out a few days before it started because my gut felt so burdened. I was not in-between, nor was I myself. It was the first time that I encountered the other side of myself. It didn’t scare me, but it amused me for a moment. I came to realize that’s just me being human.

Over the years, I’ve had decisions that was inorganic due to pressure and to not wanting to have bad blood over the people in my life over the choices that I made. I’ve had engagements that I could not back out. I told myself, this time, it’s going to be different. Fast forward to months after dilly-dallying everything, I (think I) finally settled at the moment.

Moving from a big city to a bigger city and letting go of the comforts of what my home used to offer me was exciting and kind of sad (I learned some basic life skills like how to do laundry!!!). That was what my adventurous self felt. Yet, a few days of boarding into a new adventure, my cautious self wanted out. It wanted to crawl back to the rock that I have been living in over the course of two months. But a bigger part of me wanted in. Talk about irony! It wanted to try — to try to do something I’ve never done for myself (i.e. make bigger decisions in life). It wanted to fully make an organic choice. Without pressure, without negative factors. And it was liberating.

The main thing that I’ve learned from this big move is that things will come at the right time. Though people will have it differently, case in point: the demarcation line of the different levels of privilege. My feeble heart still believes that we can break that line even if chances are so slim. Those set-backs are part of something bigger. Though it won’t come easily and the process of going there may seem to suck everything out of that spirit within us, don’t give up (just curse or release that via yoga or some stress balls).

Getting to where you want to go is in itself what we do in life. Believe me, I never planned for this. I have a book which I’d like to call a goal book, where I’ve written my planned dreams (including but not limited to getting a job at X company), and a lot of other things. But this one came in my most unplanned moment and in my most impulsive moment.

Remember though that this is not a race. I know we’ve been exposed to the internet, of people and the lives that they live. A little part of me envies it sometimes, but this is one thing that I believe: that deep inside everyone has different lives, different shoes to fill, different problems to face. No matter how happy it may seem, we all have some fucked up moments too. If I wished my life was different, I would not have met beautiful people along the way; the people who helped me paint life beautifully.

I’d stop here. But whoever you are, whatever you are doing and wherever you may be, I wish you’d never lose hope (it’s free!) and courage to keep moving forward (by that I mean, study smartly, discipline yourself if you want to lose weight, and things that you know better vs me). You’d eventually find your place in the bigger scheme of things. And if you haven’t, and you’re stuck at doing what you least like, you may need that experience and wisdom (and money) to move yourself through what you really desire. I wish I could say believe me, that would be so hypocritical of me then, but we need to start somewhere right? And if the chapters that we’re having now in our books will lead us closer to whatever we want in the next 10 chapters or so, then we might as well try.

 

Valete!

 

P.S. This is to our past self who belittled ourselves. The present is laughing right now because the universe truly conspires for things to happen. Some beautiful things do come in the most unplanned and unexpected moments. And some arrive because we planned them beautifully and passionately. Trust in that timing and if it fails, then that’s a bonus round to keep on trying.

 

Posted in 2017, Choices, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, pain, Quotes, Relationships, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Abundance of Noes

A meaningful no is better than an empty yes

At that time when you said no,

I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means

Does it mean yes but perhaps later?

When we’re slightly older,

When we can pay our own meals,

When we can pay our own bills,

Older

That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,

When we are established,

Ready to settle,

Ready to say this is the time,

Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?

When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives

When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours

Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?

Where it’s just the two us

No judgments

No prejudices

No lies

No boundaries

No prying eyes

Just us

Does it mean yes?

With hope in my heart

That someday we could be

We could find ourselves in the sand

Lying till our backs hurt

Lying till we are tanned

Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears

Spilling everything that we’re not

Spilling everything that we wish we are

No holding back

Just pure surrender?

I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found

That made my reasoning more okay

More bearable

More kind

Stubborn as my heart

That maybe no means almost

We could almost danced.

We could almost held hands.

We could almost kissed.

We could almost had it.

We could almost had our moment.

We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits

And when the clues of the universe made sense

It make a lot of sense

Unforgiving

Harsh

But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago

In much worst conditions

I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though

I guess it just

Stings

I just made up reason of your no

Your no does not mean yes

Your no does not mean almost

Your no does not mean possibilities

Your no does not mean ever after

Your no means no

And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around

For it to sound yes

But the universe whispered,

“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”

But the stubborn master,

Behind the bleeding walls of the body

Who pumps and deliver

Could not wonder but ask

“What if he’s the one and he says no?”

The universe laughed

“His no will be different amongst others.”

But the stubborn master asked again

“How do you know?”

“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes

And I’d stop asking the universe for signs

I’d stop praying for things to turn around

I’d stop making idealistic stories of us

An meaningful yes’ will come

And that time it won’t be you

It will be my yes

We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that

We’d both pray for things to be fine

And

We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours

That I am his

That he’s mine

Till then, have fun my yes

Continue to learn, laugh and love

Till we meet

Until we meet

I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey

That you’d come

Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.

Without reservations

Without hesitations

Without restrictions

Without reasons

Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of

I could, I would.

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live. 

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Dedication, Dilemma, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Life, Work

Kim’s Journal: Post Graduation


I’m currently in the dilemma of what I want to do with my life after Uni —that’s me at the moment.

A couple of months back, I already knew what I wanted. After graduation, I want to work and pick up the pieces of my life from there. I’ve sent countless of resumes and got feedbacks along the way. It’s just a matter of choice and the formality to graduate and eventually say yes to the opportunity. Trust me, that was easy back then.

Come post graduation and I found myself delaying some opportunities and saying no to other opportunities. It’s not because it does not appeal or it does not sound great, because the impact of the career to the people around me is huge, but deep inside I still could not grasp if I’m ready for it or if I’m just being lazy about what’s to come.

I’m currently in the zone that’s neither stagnant nor moving. I’m in the limbo of this adulting-world that people used to standardize as harsh, cruel and the chances of survival depends on your stamina to do things magically!

It’s like one sunny day, I woke up not wanting to do anything but wanting to do something. Things that I can’t quite figure out. Should I read a book? Should I watch a movie? Should I send another resume? Should I laze around the house? It’s like every decision is crucial because people around me keeps on noticing my world and it sometimes irks the very core of my next step, which by the way, was planned, but last minute got abandoned and now life is not planned. It’s that moment that suddenly the planner that used to be full with activities, eventually got empty but it’s not sad, it’s just empty. Void. Blank. Waiting for some miracle from the inside to flourish the passion once more. Silently praying for the adrenaline rush of planning and acting.

But for now, being lost is fine. Seeking what I really want takes time. Seeking for what you really want takes reflecting what’s inside and even if society pressures you to decide, it shouldn’t be the standard of rash choices that you used to make when you’re a student. You should not fit yourself in the jar that people tries to place you on. You can’t fit yourself and weave to their standards of having a high paying job because you were a straight A student. You can’t weave to their standards of landing a job at a top A company because you were once “cool” during Uni days. You can’t pressure yourself to get there asap because your friends landed the stage and you don’t want to be left behind. This ain’t some race of who’s better and the ones that got left behind are branded as incompetent.

I’m currently in the “between” of what I want to do and what I want to pursue. Along the lines, I also want to enjoy the rest of the days that I deprived myself of having during my student years. Yet, one thing is true, that we all need to start somewhere. That in this reality of the world, you start again. Building your name again, growing networks again, making new friendships again, until finally, you’d find yourself slowly moving a step towards what you want.

I guess what the article said is true that, “Adulting’ is scary. But it’s not a death sentence—there’s life after those 4+ years at college.”

I’m trying to find mine at the moment. Even with the prying eyes of the hawks of society. I hope you find yours, too.

 

Valete!

In dedication to the graduates, who are confused, who are lost, who are bruised of constant rejections, constant fears, of not wanting to make do-overs. Rest if you must, but don’t rest too long. Take that step, take that leap. Behind every wrong bus we take, leads us closer to the right bus. We all start somewhere. We should start somewhere.

 

Posted in 2016, 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dedication, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Leadership, Life, Love, Strength, Truth

SSC 35th: Turnover Speech

This is probably the speech that I’ve written that caused a little bit of demand from people, which goes that I need to post it for whatever reason, but maybe because they want to go over it once more. Whatever. This speech was the last speech that I have written and delivered before I officially ended my term as the 35th President of the Supreme Student Council. So it’s kind of emotional for me when I wrote this (yes, I wrote this and I’m typing it at the moment, cliché right?)

Here goes…

(transcript of my Turnover Speech last March 27, 2017; do note that I adlib some sentences and forgot to say some sentences, but this was what I’ve written)

 

Rev. Fr. Cristopher Maspara, OAR, University President

Atty. Jesus Velez, SAO Director and our SSC Adviser

Teachers, COMELEC, SSC 35th, SSC 36th, Beloved Students, Ladies and Gentlemen, Good Afternoon!

 

Where do I start?

At the moment of getting used in making speeches, this is one of the moments that I am speechless. But where are my manners? I’d like to extend my warmest congratulations to the 36th Congress for taking up the challenge and going an extra mile of your student life as Student Council officers. Let’s give them and yourselves a thundering applause.

Remember being speechless? But I guess, being speechless has its perks because now I have an inspiration to not get speechless. I remember having a hard time making my campaign spiels that speaks of me (the serious kind) and luckily some inspiration from the heavens lead me to making one and this is the best way to wrap up that speech before.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or at 2nd, 3rd, 4th? You know I could go on till a million. But really, it doesn’t matter if it’s at first sight, or at 2nd, 3rd, 4th, what matters is that you believe in love despite everything that’s attached to it. Most people find it hard to love, I, being one of them before, maybe because its from experience or from other’s experience. Along the way, I told myself, who cares? Besides, when you love, it’s subjective to your standards. But let’s make this clear, because you might be thinking differently about this love that I am talking about, I’m talking about this love of service. It is like any relationship you have with your someone special, your family or your friends! Because service is someone special.

Allow me to use him or her to replace service.

When you first laid your eyes on him, you know you wanted in.

You wanted to get to know him. In your case Marco, you wanted to get to know her.

He stands out in the crowd, it’s probably the spark that he shows. The genuine compassion surrounding him that makes you think to yourself that you wanted in.

That’s what happened in our first encounter. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see how this goes. You see, service is very beautiful and handsome, because it makes someone beautiful and handsome as well despite the hardship that comes along with it. I got involved with him and I realize it was sweet and sometimes bitter, but mostly sweet. You’ll find yourself dedicating time in the fast pace world amidst a thousand responsibilities. You’ll find yourself sleeping late or waking up early. He does that you know! And even if sometimes he makes you angry for being stressed, he makes you do things you never know you can do. He tests your patience, your limits and sometimes how you love. Know that when you wanted in, you’ve surrendered yourself to the path of questions, uncertainties and risks. It truly is a roller coaster relationship. What did I learn from that relationship?

How to adjust and do less reacting, if we react more and adjust less, then things would remain unresolved.

Encourage, yourself and others along the way.

Accept faults, mistakes and criticisms.

Ride, as what Clofer used to tell me is to go with the flow and let loose sometimes.

Test answers and solutions to problems.

What did I learn from that relationship? I learned how to have a H-E-A-R-T filled with love.

Service and I have never broken up till now, but amidst the learning do let me tell you this, that loving does not mean messianic tendencies. Do cross oceans, but when you can’t do it, do cross seas first! The presidency is not technical. Maybe the technical part is reading memos, resolutions and signing papers. The presidency is a test of emotions. You will become the earphones, the stereo, the shock absorbers of problems, but don’t let it stop you. It’s kind of an emotional job but don’t do emotional transference, I learned this from my psychology friends, it will drain you. Be emotionally stable because you will become the pillar of support, the foundation.

There’s no perfect definition or standard on what it is about but know that it would be one of your best relationship!

To the 36th congress, know that love is always accompanied with pain. If it is not painful, then it is not love at all. You’d never feel that you’ve given your best. Know that in every pain, there’s a lesson you learn so it’s worth the pain after all. I say this to my 35th, I’ll say this to you, late gratification works like this: you’re doing your best but people don’t seem to mind or to care, don’t stop. What we’re doing is unconditional and the investment may not get returned, but that’s how service works. The best example of service is no other than Jesus when he dies on the cross for us without asking anything in return. That is true love. Be in love with your passion. It’s not enough to like it. If you only like it, surely it’s just like an on and off relationship. But if you love service, you will have every reason to stay.

To my 35th kids, most of us came in as tabula rasa. A blank canvass but I’m so proud of your growth! I’ve heard that when the term ends, yehey na! No. You’ll always be an SSC Officer, you’ll always be a leader, live it up. People are going to look up to you. So continue to be one, if you see pieces of trashes in the lobby, pick it up! If you see students counter flowing, correct them. Thank you for loving service. When I want to quit, when I lose the passion, and when the going gets tough, I just look at you guys and then I am reminded how I learned to love and I will continue to love service even more. You are the reason why I stayed. If you ever ran out of people to talk to 24/7, know that I am here.

Continue to move mountains of your dreams and extend possibilities of your passions!

Once again, good afternoon!

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to the past, you have been bruised and scarred for taking risky and life-changing decisions yet you still continue to love until it hurts, till it hurts no more. Thank you for existing, the present has become stronger, braver and bolder because of you. 

Posted in 2017, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

My In-Between

To my in-between,

You came in the least moment that I expected.

I was young,

I was made of high walls,

And confused moments,

I was in love with him.

You came and the first time I laid my eyes on you,

I noticed,

I noticed the wrinkles in your eyes when you smile,

I noticed your little freckles when you talk,

I noticed every little changes in you,

And I loved them,

I loved how your smile lights up everything in my life,

Without you noticing it.

I loved how you talk, your opinions matter as what you say,

I loved the changes in you,

It reminded me that you are human,

I wished I could tell you how I feel.

I wished I could tell you how I seem to wonder if we could be,

I wished I could tell you thank you,

Thank you for the friendship,

It was something that I would treasure.

Thank you for the kindness,

It was something that will forever etched in my heart.

Thank you for the moments,

The little war that somehow made my day without you knowing it.

But thank you, for allowing me to love you secretly.

Behind the curtains,

Behind the corals of the deep blue sea,

The waves seems to keep on punishing me at this moment,

The air grows impatient by tangling my hair,

Nature seems to have conspired for me,

They sent me messages,

Whispers of letting myself gather courage,

To tell how I feel,

And I do,

I do,

And I am,

Falling in love with you,

Long before things happened.

Long before you knew.

Long before they knew.

I am falling in love with you,

But now, now I feel that it’s high time

To let these feelings go,

To let my heart breathe once again,

To let myself see reason,

That you and me,

It’s a pair, it’s a conspiracy,

That the universe won’t even approve

Yet in the distanct sky,

I wished the universe is wrong.

 

Valete!

 

“Here’s to choices and letting the universe do its thing.”

 

Posted in 2016, 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Comfort, Courage, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Friendship, Leadership, Life, Love

SSC 35th: My Little Farewell

📸: Mark Bayon

Will end with a blog dedication to the people who made my last year in Uni one of the most challenging and fulfilling moments of my life.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do.

And I did not just believe in it.

I have fallen for it.

I made it my own pill whenever I’m running out of strength to carry on.

I believed, I had fallen, I found every bit of emotions that I thought I’m not capable of having here at the council.

Dear College of Appointed Officers,

“You are brave.” If you ever found yourselves doubting your essence and your being. Know that you are brave.

Only seldom people have the guts to volunteer in the council despite all that could happen to you alongside with the University life. But you, you are here and giving time to help the council and I could never been happier than to meet everyone! Your time, effort and everything else in between is something that I will always be grateful. Thank you for serving the Josenians with that spark of love from your heart and that braveness that’s strong as the ocean waves.

Dear Legislative House,

“I’ll always be here.” If you ever need some mouthy advice or just a simple listening company. Know that I’ll always be here.

You were all kids in my eyes. Most of us started SSC with no knowledge on how to go about the Parliamentary Procedure nor go about writing Resolutions. But now, look at you! You’ve gone way far than writing resolutions. You have found your inner voice to speak up (if that’s quite necessary). You forged relationships inside and outside the council and I hope you still keep each other even after the council. You’ve been through a lot (with my strictness and nagging on duty scheds, attendance on meetings and cleanliness of the office) and things I can no longer think of. At times, I may have been insensitive and distant, but know that’s how I care and I appreciate everyone (sorry not raised to show feelings, but I’m trying thanks to everyone! I do hugs now 😂) Always know that I’m happy to have witnessed that growth, your growth! I’ve always told you guys that there’s no point in being inside the council and not growing by the time we all leave. And this I say, for that span of months you have learned how to manage and learned how to suck it up sometimes. Your efforts won’t be discounted. Always remember that gratification will always come at the end, there are no instants and if there were instants we’d be missing a lot of emotions. And if you feel that you weren’t recognized for your efforts, no that’s not true, you will always be important because without you, the council would have never been better. Invest, invest and invest!!! Do not stop investing on yourselves and what you love doing. Do not let your fears keep you from investing. Remember I said you were all kids in my eyes? You will always be, it’s bittersweet, but I have to accept that you’re not kids anymore. Go spread your wonderful wings in the sky! I’d always be here, whichever ground, cheering for you 💕

My Best Execom Ever,

“It’s never too late.” It’s never to late because there are no deadlines to relationships, to friendships. We have the world waiting for us so it’s never too late.

We had our fights that we can alway look back and laugh about 5 years from now. But know that you will always hold a special place in my aorta (not my heart haha i’m trying diba). You guys are the best (enough nato ang overnight to prove na best lage mo). Even if behind the scenes, thank you for cushioning my attitude! Even if its screams hell sometimes (okay, most of the times!). Jhanny, thank you for staying with me no matter how indifferent you are but I know you lead me right. Clof, for telling me to let loose and to have fun. I know, I get the memo haha. Seg, who knows diba? Haha best in chikka nata lol and Fech, apparently test of friendship jud ang ssc.

And lastly, the presidency is a responsibility that is a challenge. There is no perfect idea of what it is about. There is no best definition of what it is, but there is something best about it. It is what is always will be in my heart — my best relationship.

“Know that Pres won’t stay anymore, but Ate Kim will. She will stay.”

Thank you everyone! I would have broke down in tears, but no, I have you guys and I could never be more thankful, sorry and proud of all of you! Continue to speak up through right communication channels. Continue to exemplify Caritas et Scientia. Continue on moving mountains of your dreams and extending possibilities of your passions! And lastly, even if we end our term as SSC Officers, apparently the white hat of SSC in ourselves will always be SSC to the Josenian populace. That doesn’t mean we end our term, we also end being of service and being SSC Officers. So go and live on and pay it forward! I’m going to repeat this over and over again. I know I’m not the first person you’ll call or text or what techy people do nowadays, but know that I’ll always be here 24/7 as your (last haha) option if you run out of people to talk to. Excited for the years ahead of you. Will always be rooting for everyone’s success and if failures happen (then fail and fail more! Samtang early pa to correct mistakes and don’t forget to learn, always learn and at times unlearn). I will surely miss everyone (you get the message). Thank you for loving service. When I want to quit or my not-worthy-stances were creeping in, I just look at you and then I am reminded how I love service and how I am super lucky to have met everyone! Five years, or ten years from now, I hope when I see you at the street or some place and we’d catch up with life. I hope to see everyone happy and in love with life!

Congratulations on your future endeavors, continue to soar high!

 

Valete!

 

“We did not just made it out alive. We made it out broken, whole, and everything we never imagined nor expected. Happy Anniversary!”

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Leadership, Life, Love, She Said, Strength, Truth, Uncategorized

Kim’s Journal: Graduation Pt. 1


Most people wonder how I did it.

How I managed to “balance” my academic life and my extra-curricular life.

I didn’t.

I never knew how to balance it.

I never figured out the secret formula on the balancing act.

Some days, my academics matter the most (that’s when you know I’m on the brink of getting a bad grade and you can’t see me because I’d be pulling an all-nighter and getting myself serious coffee -I usually don’t drink coffee because it will just upset my stomach). Most days, my extra-curricular activities are calling my name (that’s when I can’t even comb my hair and put on my intimidating-million-worries-face).

I don’t know the secret to balancing both life since I’ve got only one life in this game.

I’m still in awe on how I manage to snug both in one setting with me in one piece!

What I do know though, is this.

It will always begin and will always end in the spectrum of love (and priorities of course!). You don’t learn it overnight nor just a year, it’s a continuity of some sorts. The first year will be about adjusting, the next year it will go smoothly (okay maybe less) because you’ve learned the ropes.


I started being involved academically ever since I uttered “school”. Bravely defying all odds to crash the class by being late and grabbing the chalk from my teacher. Talk about being two and without manners! This probably is one of my mother’s vivid memory when I entered pre-school. Trust me, my pre-school days as what I can remember is so the spoiled me.

Moving up to grade school didn’t even tamed down the spoiled me. Though I studied, it was mainly because at the end I know I’d get my reward. I cannot remember what reward that was, but I know that if I do my best it will be waiting at the end of the finish line. They say that the highlight of my academic achievements happened during grade-school. True, but it wasn’t entirely the test of my capacity till high school came.

Dear high school, the time where I realized I’m not made to be just in class and answer questions and solve solutions. This was the first time that I laid my eyes on leadership and that was indeed love at first sight. I’ve seen girls wearing green and marching their hearts out at the amphitheater and I told myself I wanted to be like them. I didn’t get the opportunity to do that during my first year though. I ended up entering my application come second year and to tell you the truth I honestly did not expect that the training to become a girl scout in San Jose would be so hard (our training is patterned after the Boy Scouts because of the teachings of late Sir Damazo). My two weeks was hell. It drained my physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My “proud” self, the self that feels “too important” finally realized how small I am, how I don’t know everything. We do it differently in scouting, it’s more than what they say as harsh, it was more on tough love. And that’s the reason why even at times, I try to tone it down, the main influence of my leadership journey will always go back to scouting. I learned that it doesn’t make sense to lead without doing it, to scold without actually complying, to react when you don’t even try. It didn’t stop there though. It became a landslide of extra-curricular activities, from handling the Publications, to leading the Recollect Augustinian Youth (voc jams are the bomb!), to getting whirled in the life of debate and other extra-curricular activities in school. Dubbed by most people as “stressed-girl” during high school, I just laughed it off because I wasn’t stressed, I just learned how love feels like. Don’t get me wrong, even if I handled a lot of organizations, my academics is not entirely polished! I remember crying in class because I can’t balance the sheets in accounting, I remember crying because for four consecutive times, I failed in my physics exam because I could not get the answer even if the formula is given. I was that student, too. I slept late because thesis happened and slept late preparing for org events. I cried a lot when I get stressed. I usually joked around and say that crying is good for my eyes because it’s cleansing. But eventually, my academics went and moved according to the flow and my organizations followed suit.

What I can say is that truly, I’m not just made to just sit in class. I’ve learned the very essential values in extra-curricular activities. I’ve been shout at by my mentors with lines that goes, “Apolinar, don’t give me problems. Give me solutions to your problems!” Or “Apolinar, everyone is dispensable. Just because you are the best doesn’t mean you can’t get replaced. So practice!” And my favorite line, “Humility, always.”

Looking back, I guess that’s how I got tough. Looking back, I couldn’t be anymore proud to my mentors and leaders way back. I owe to it to Tita Grace, , to Mommy Quat, to Miss Seville, to Ma’am Tomaroy, Kuya Melvin and among many others. Looking back, I owe my experience to them to who I am now, what I am now and where I am now.
I told myself that it would be pure stupidity to enter in org activities during college. Indeed, I was the funny one because during the first week of college, I remembered crying (okay guys, himi jud kaayo ko) because I don’t have anything to do and it was driving me insane! The best decision was to join orgs and it was truly the best decision.

I’d always have my Debate, JJD and SSC to thank for throughout my college life. For continuously molding me and challenging me to try to find ways to handle organizations. Trust me, it wasn’t easy! I was trained differently and I got slightly confused on how to adjust. On some cases, that wasn’t the case. I’m still the strict person who’d always nag about deadlines, cleanliness, being on time, and whatever I find at that moment. Debate though was another story! It was more of like finding a reason to stay, and I couldn’t be anymore prouder because in staying, I’ve learned the value of what it means to be in love. So as the council, I promised to never get involved when I will reach my fourth year in Uni because I would dedicate my last year studying and spending it with the friends and answering invitations of conferences in the country and even abroad. But it didn’t happen that way though. But I never regretted it because if I didn’t entered the council, I would never know the people who would become my earphones and shock absorbers. I’d always be thankful to the council for letting me learn and open up the soft side of myself (secretly haha).

I’ve maybe witnessed my growth. Maybe people who have been with me witnessed my growth. Whichever way.

I still remember doing my org list if I get bored at class and doing my acad list if I know that I might fail the subject.

I’ve had this idea that I’d only bring my homeworks to the house and leave org matters at school. Guess what? I’m not bringing both because the house is for sleeping and binge-watching series!

College was entirely different in terms of academics. The competition scene is there but it was mostly on how I manage to endure not sleeping early and making written works. Trust me, I feel like half of my college days was spent sleeping because I can’t think clearly when it comes to my academics. But the feeling to get a low grade because I didn’t study made me challenge myself more because I have this idea that if I studied, I would have gotten a better grade plus a different set of reward was waiting so I had to make an effort.

I guess it’s a matter of priorities and goal setting. I guess it’s always that. I still put my acads on top of my to-do-list and label my organizations according to importance. And though I skipped class because of my orgs, trust me, I cried on that, too! It will always be a burden for me to catch up, but I love the thrill and the excitement of both and I guess that I might suck at building my own studying habit (which I do recommend to have one!), I managed to suck it up and work my way.

The road wasn’t easy. This is where my family and friends comes in and I couldn’t be anymore than happier. I will never forget their nagging and pressures to live up being responsible! Indeed, it surely pays off.



I guess this is for the days that I didn’t go home, this is for the Sunday’s and the week that I’m away to some place debating, or fixing an event. This is for the idea that I’ve become a boarder in my parent’s house. This is for the days that I want to give up and quit. This is for the days that I recited the Desiderata for guidance and the Don’t Quit Poem for motivation. This is for the days that I said, “go on, Kimmy, try again. And this time try super hard! You are superwoman anyway. So suck it up and don’t cry ma ruin imong eyeliner.” This is for the days that I asked fro help from the people around me. This is for everyone who has been my inspiration.

So congrats, self! For slightly breaking the idea that just because your life revolves on your extra-curricular activities, you can’t excel academically.


With that, it’s your turn to defy some traditional lines and be a modern superhero 😉

 

Valete!