Posted in 2017, Choices, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, pain, Quotes, Relationships, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Abundance of Noes

A meaningful no is better than an empty yes

At that time when you said no,

I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means

Does it mean yes but perhaps later?

When we’re slightly older,

When we can pay our own meals,

When we can pay our own bills,

Older

That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,

When we are established,

Ready to settle,

Ready to say this is the time,

Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?

When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives

When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours

Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?

Where it’s just the two us

No judgments

No prejudices

No lies

No boundaries

No prying eyes

Just us

Does it mean yes?

With hope in my heart

That someday we could be

We could find ourselves in the sand

Lying till our backs hurt

Lying till we are tanned

Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears

Spilling everything that we’re not

Spilling everything that we wish we are

No holding back

Just pure surrender?

I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found

That made my reasoning more okay

More bearable

More kind

Stubborn as my heart

That maybe no means almost

We could almost danced.

We could almost held hands.

We could almost kissed.

We could almost had it.

We could almost had our moment.

We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits

And when the clues of the universe made sense

It make a lot of sense

Unforgiving

Harsh

But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago

In much worst conditions

I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though

I guess it just

Stings

I just made up reason of your no

Your no does not mean yes

Your no does not mean almost

Your no does not mean possibilities

Your no does not mean ever after

Your no means no

And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around

For it to sound yes

But the universe whispered,

“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”

But the stubborn master,

Behind the bleeding walls of the body

Who pumps and deliver

Could not wonder but ask

“What if he’s the one and he says no?”

The universe laughed

“His no will be different amongst others.”

But the stubborn master asked again

“How do you know?”

“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes

And I’d stop asking the universe for signs

I’d stop praying for things to turn around

I’d stop making idealistic stories of us

An meaningful yes’ will come

And that time it won’t be you

It will be my yes

We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that

We’d both pray for things to be fine

And

We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours

That I am his

That he’s mine

Till then, have fun my yes

Continue to learn, laugh and love

Till we meet

Until we meet

I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey

That you’d come

Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.

Without reservations

Without hesitations

Without restrictions

Without reasons

Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of

I could, I would.

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live. 

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Dedication, Dilemma, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Life, Work

Kim’s Journal: Post Graduation


I’m currently in the dilemma of what I want to do with my life after Uni —that’s me at the moment.

A couple of months back, I already knew what I wanted. After graduation, I want to work and pick up the pieces of my life from there. I’ve sent countless of resumes and got feedbacks along the way. It’s just a matter of choice and the formality to graduate and eventually say yes to the opportunity. Trust me, that was easy back then.

Come post graduation and I found myself delaying some opportunities and saying no to other opportunities. It’s not because it does not appeal or it does not sound great, because the impact of the career to the people around me is huge, but deep inside I still could not grasp if I’m ready for it or if I’m just being lazy about what’s to come.

I’m currently in the zone that’s neither stagnant nor moving. I’m in the limbo of this adulting-world that people used to standardize as harsh, cruel and the chances of survival depends on your stamina to do things magically!

It’s like one sunny day, I woke up not wanting to do anything but wanting to do something. Things that I can’t quite figure out. Should I read a book? Should I watch a movie? Should I send another resume? Should I laze around the house? It’s like every decision is crucial because people around me keeps on noticing my world and it sometimes irks the very core of my next step, which by the way, was planned, but last minute got abandoned and now life is not planned. It’s that moment that suddenly the planner that used to be full with activities, eventually got empty but it’s not sad, it’s just empty. Void. Blank. Waiting for some miracle from the inside to flourish the passion once more. Silently praying for the adrenaline rush of planning and acting.

But for now, being lost is fine. Seeking what I really want takes time. Seeking for what you really want takes reflecting what’s inside and even if society pressures you to decide, it shouldn’t be the standard of rash choices that you used to make when you’re a student. You should not fit yourself in the jar that people tries to place you on. You can’t fit yourself and weave to their standards of having a high paying job because you were a straight A student. You can’t weave to their standards of landing a job at a top A company because you were once “cool” during Uni days. You can’t pressure yourself to get there asap because your friends landed the stage and you don’t want to be left behind. This ain’t some race of who’s better and the ones that got left behind are branded as incompetent.

I’m currently in the “between” of what I want to do and what I want to pursue. Along the lines, I also want to enjoy the rest of the days that I deprived myself of having during my student years. Yet, one thing is true, that we all need to start somewhere. That in this reality of the world, you start again. Building your name again, growing networks again, making new friendships again, until finally, you’d find yourself slowly moving a step towards what you want.

I guess what the article said is true that, “Adulting’ is scary. But it’s not a death sentence—there’s life after those 4+ years at college.”

I’m trying to find mine at the moment. Even with the prying eyes of the hawks of society. I hope you find yours, too.

 

Valete!

In dedication to the graduates, who are confused, who are lost, who are bruised of constant rejections, constant fears, of not wanting to make do-overs. Rest if you must, but don’t rest too long. Take that step, take that leap. Behind every wrong bus we take, leads us closer to the right bus. We all start somewhere. We should start somewhere.

 

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Comfort, Dedication, Dreams, Feelings, Life, Love, Poem, Truth, Walls

Shoreline

Someday, same place, different company, different feels

I’ve never been born an adventurer.

Mom was scared of traversing through rocky plains and uncharted territories.

It’s maybe because that she never dared to step out from her comfort zone when she was young until now.

If I paint my mother.

She would have been the great land.

Unmoving, rigid, rooted

Always in the comfort of going back to what’s safe – earth.

If you met my dad, you’d know how I became an adventurer.

Dad was the captain of MV Life, journeying across great bodies of ocean

It’s maybe because of his career that pump lots of adrenaline in his body.

If I paint my father.

He would have been the great seas.

Moving, wide, punishing.

Always the dare, never the truth.

Always the thrill seeker, never the watcher.

I’m not born an adventurer, I’m not raised as an adventurer.

I’m the balance of both the great land and the great sea,

I’m the space separating the great land and the great seas,

I’m the shoreline ,

The great divide,

I’m the coastline,

The great mark of in-betweens.

I’m the certainty of the meet-up,

Of simply being punished by the great waves and being calmed by the great land.

I’m the uncertainty of the tides,

Strong

Weak

Sometimes angry

Sometimes soothing

You cannot paint me but most people try.

They try to use up all the sand

They try to use up all the colors of the rainbow

Trying to paint someone who can’t be painted

Not me.

Not the boundary

The bounds of the middle

The piece that’s still a question

Does the shoreline know who she wants to become?

Will she be the great land or the great seas?

Will she be both?

No

For I know the shoreline is the shoreline

Never the great land

Never the great seas

But always the beauty of the in-betweens

Always the meeting place

Never the place

Always the bridge

Never the lovers

Always the center

But never the world

Always there

But unknown

Unmoving

Rigid

Safe

Sometimes she want to be punishing, moving and wide

And she did, once

Or was it twice? Thrice?

No, it was until the fourth

And she did realize

That the great land is like her mind

Safe

Rationale

The other side

But her heart, oh her heart,

Was always the adventurer

Moving

In the right and wrong places

Loving men who cannot grasp the kind of love she tried to give

Loving men who always will be her almost

Punishing

In ways she cannot imagine having to cry

In ways she cannot imagine how to laugh

In ways she cannot imagine she has,

The power to survive rough waves

The power to continue despite the calm deep

Her heart will always be the sail

Never the sailor

The wind loved the sail

But the sailor always holds back

Her heart never holds back

On her choices

On her fears

And maybe one day I’ll realize

I’ll realize that I’ll be sailing right,

Right to where the wind will take me

Not safe

But safer

Uncertain yet certain

But I know I’d be sailing it right to you

I’d be not just the center, but the world

I’d be land and the sea

Of the great beyond

Of blue and green

Of the universe that’s in me

I’d be sailing right,

Right to where I’d not just be a meeting place of star-crossed lovers,

But I’d be the place

The place where someone will be safe

The place where someone will find a home

Where I will be home.

Where I will be.

I will be.

I will be enough.

I will be eternity.

I will be loved.

Till then, I’d continue to be shoreline

Existing

Resisting

At the moment, persisting to find a place where I will stay and finally call it a day.

Where someone will stay and finally call me home.

Finally, I will be the truth and not the dare.

Finally.

Where finally I can say, je t’aime mon amour, bienvenue à la maison.

 

Valete!


In dedication to my parents, thank you for being safe yet punishing, rigid yet moving. I owe what I am today because of you. Your daughter will be soaring and she will eventually find home. 

Posted in 2017, Birthdays, Dedication, Friendship

Joann


You are sunshine and roses

Of life and of everything in between

You’re all smiles and laughter

Things that I am not

Things that speaks of you

Things that makes me look up to you more

I’ve learned how to let loose

I’ve learned how to take risks

I’ve learned the art of friendship

And that’s all thanks to you

Funny how our friendship started

It started with hating each other’s quirks

But end up tolerating one another

Never would I regret

To have meet someone

As beautiful as you

You have taught me how this works

From opening up to eventually feeling

Thank you, for being my Kim Possible when I want to become Ron Stoppable

Thank you, for being the voice of hope when I could no longer believe in myself

Thank you, for being my 9am plans and 3pm impulse

For simply being there, thank you

and if ever you feel that you need someone

To follow you up on some Oreo cake

To eat ice cream, a lot

Or even to hike the day away

My dear friend, I’ll be there anyway.
Valete!

 

In dedication to Panyang, may you continue to love life and be as bubbly as ever! Happy Birthday, horsy! 


Posted in 2016, 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dedication, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Leadership, Life, Love, Strength, Truth

SSC 35th: Turnover Speech

This is probably the speech that I’ve written that caused a little bit of demand from people, which goes that I need to post it for whatever reason, but maybe because they want to go over it once more. Whatever. This speech was the last speech that I have written and delivered before I officially ended my term as the 35th President of the Supreme Student Council. So it’s kind of emotional for me when I wrote this (yes, I wrote this and I’m typing it at the moment, cliché right?)

Here goes…

(transcript of my Turnover Speech last March 27, 2017; do note that I adlib some sentences and forgot to say some sentences, but this was what I’ve written)

 

Rev. Fr. Cristopher Maspara, OAR, University President

Atty. Jesus Velez, SAO Director and our SSC Adviser

Teachers, COMELEC, SSC 35th, SSC 36th, Beloved Students, Ladies and Gentlemen, Good Afternoon!

 

Where do I start?

At the moment of getting used in making speeches, this is one of the moments that I am speechless. But where are my manners? I’d like to extend my warmest congratulations to the 36th Congress for taking up the challenge and going an extra mile of your student life as Student Council officers. Let’s give them and yourselves a thundering applause.

Remember being speechless? But I guess, being speechless has its perks because now I have an inspiration to not get speechless. I remember having a hard time making my campaign spiels that speaks of me (the serious kind) and luckily some inspiration from the heavens lead me to making one and this is the best way to wrap up that speech before.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Or at 2nd, 3rd, 4th? You know I could go on till a million. But really, it doesn’t matter if it’s at first sight, or at 2nd, 3rd, 4th, what matters is that you believe in love despite everything that’s attached to it. Most people find it hard to love, I, being one of them before, maybe because its from experience or from other’s experience. Along the way, I told myself, who cares? Besides, when you love, it’s subjective to your standards. But let’s make this clear, because you might be thinking differently about this love that I am talking about, I’m talking about this love of service. It is like any relationship you have with your someone special, your family or your friends! Because service is someone special.

Allow me to use him or her to replace service.

When you first laid your eyes on him, you know you wanted in.

You wanted to get to know him. In your case Marco, you wanted to get to know her.

He stands out in the crowd, it’s probably the spark that he shows. The genuine compassion surrounding him that makes you think to yourself that you wanted in.

That’s what happened in our first encounter. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to see how this goes. You see, service is very beautiful and handsome, because it makes someone beautiful and handsome as well despite the hardship that comes along with it. I got involved with him and I realize it was sweet and sometimes bitter, but mostly sweet. You’ll find yourself dedicating time in the fast pace world amidst a thousand responsibilities. You’ll find yourself sleeping late or waking up early. He does that you know! And even if sometimes he makes you angry for being stressed, he makes you do things you never know you can do. He tests your patience, your limits and sometimes how you love. Know that when you wanted in, you’ve surrendered yourself to the path of questions, uncertainties and risks. It truly is a roller coaster relationship. What did I learn from that relationship?

How to adjust and do less reacting, if we react more and adjust less, then things would remain unresolved.

Encourage, yourself and others along the way.

Accept faults, mistakes and criticisms.

Ride, as what Clofer used to tell me is to go with the flow and let loose sometimes.

Test answers and solutions to problems.

What did I learn from that relationship? I learned how to have a H-E-A-R-T filled with love.

Service and I have never broken up till now, but amidst the learning do let me tell you this, that loving does not mean messianic tendencies. Do cross oceans, but when you can’t do it, do cross seas first! The presidency is not technical. Maybe the technical part is reading memos, resolutions and signing papers. The presidency is a test of emotions. You will become the earphones, the stereo, the shock absorbers of problems, but don’t let it stop you. It’s kind of an emotional job but don’t do emotional transference, I learned this from my psychology friends, it will drain you. Be emotionally stable because you will become the pillar of support, the foundation.

There’s no perfect definition or standard on what it is about but know that it would be one of your best relationship!

To the 36th congress, know that love is always accompanied with pain. If it is not painful, then it is not love at all. You’d never feel that you’ve given your best. Know that in every pain, there’s a lesson you learn so it’s worth the pain after all. I say this to my 35th, I’ll say this to you, late gratification works like this: you’re doing your best but people don’t seem to mind or to care, don’t stop. What we’re doing is unconditional and the investment may not get returned, but that’s how service works. The best example of service is no other than Jesus when he dies on the cross for us without asking anything in return. That is true love. Be in love with your passion. It’s not enough to like it. If you only like it, surely it’s just like an on and off relationship. But if you love service, you will have every reason to stay.

To my 35th kids, most of us came in as tabula rasa. A blank canvass but I’m so proud of your growth! I’ve heard that when the term ends, yehey na! No. You’ll always be an SSC Officer, you’ll always be a leader, live it up. People are going to look up to you. So continue to be one, if you see pieces of trashes in the lobby, pick it up! If you see students counter flowing, correct them. Thank you for loving service. When I want to quit, when I lose the passion, and when the going gets tough, I just look at you guys and then I am reminded how I learned to love and I will continue to love service even more. You are the reason why I stayed. If you ever ran out of people to talk to 24/7, know that I am here.

Continue to move mountains of your dreams and extend possibilities of your passions!

Once again, good afternoon!

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to the past, you have been bruised and scarred for taking risky and life-changing decisions yet you still continue to love until it hurts, till it hurts no more. Thank you for existing, the present has become stronger, braver and bolder because of you. 

Posted in 2017, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

My In-Between

To my in-between,

You came in the least moment that I expected.

I was young,

I was made of high walls,

And confused moments,

I was in love with him.

You came and the first time I laid my eyes on you,

I noticed,

I noticed the wrinkles in your eyes when you smile,

I noticed your little freckles when you talk,

I noticed every little changes in you,

And I loved them,

I loved how your smile lights up everything in my life,

Without you noticing it.

I loved how you talk, your opinions matter as what you say,

I loved the changes in you,

It reminded me that you are human,

I wished I could tell you how I feel.

I wished I could tell you how I seem to wonder if we could be,

I wished I could tell you thank you,

Thank you for the friendship,

It was something that I would treasure.

Thank you for the kindness,

It was something that will forever etched in my heart.

Thank you for the moments,

The little war that somehow made my day without you knowing it.

But thank you, for allowing me to love you secretly.

Behind the curtains,

Behind the corals of the deep blue sea,

The waves seems to keep on punishing me at this moment,

The air grows impatient by tangling my hair,

Nature seems to have conspired for me,

They sent me messages,

Whispers of letting myself gather courage,

To tell how I feel,

And I do,

I do,

And I am,

Falling in love with you,

Long before things happened.

Long before you knew.

Long before they knew.

I am falling in love with you,

But now, now I feel that it’s high time

To let these feelings go,

To let my heart breathe once again,

To let myself see reason,

That you and me,

It’s a pair, it’s a conspiracy,

That the universe won’t even approve

Yet in the distanct sky,

I wished the universe is wrong.

 

Valete!

 

“Here’s to choices and letting the universe do its thing.”

 

Posted in 2016, 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Comfort, Courage, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Friendship, Leadership, Life, Love

SSC 35th: My Little Farewell

📸: Mark Bayon

Will end with a blog dedication to the people who made my last year in Uni one of the most challenging and fulfilling moments of my life.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do.

And I did not just believe in it.

I have fallen for it.

I made it my own pill whenever I’m running out of strength to carry on.

I believed, I had fallen, I found every bit of emotions that I thought I’m not capable of having here at the council.

Dear College of Appointed Officers,

“You are brave.” If you ever found yourselves doubting your essence and your being. Know that you are brave.

Only seldom people have the guts to volunteer in the council despite all that could happen to you alongside with the University life. But you, you are here and giving time to help the council and I could never been happier than to meet everyone! Your time, effort and everything else in between is something that I will always be grateful. Thank you for serving the Josenians with that spark of love from your heart and that braveness that’s strong as the ocean waves.

Dear Legislative House,

“I’ll always be here.” If you ever need some mouthy advice or just a simple listening company. Know that I’ll always be here.

You were all kids in my eyes. Most of us started SSC with no knowledge on how to go about the Parliamentary Procedure nor go about writing Resolutions. But now, look at you! You’ve gone way far than writing resolutions. You have found your inner voice to speak up (if that’s quite necessary). You forged relationships inside and outside the council and I hope you still keep each other even after the council. You’ve been through a lot (with my strictness and nagging on duty scheds, attendance on meetings and cleanliness of the office) and things I can no longer think of. At times, I may have been insensitive and distant, but know that’s how I care and I appreciate everyone (sorry not raised to show feelings, but I’m trying thanks to everyone! I do hugs now 😂) Always know that I’m happy to have witnessed that growth, your growth! I’ve always told you guys that there’s no point in being inside the council and not growing by the time we all leave. And this I say, for that span of months you have learned how to manage and learned how to suck it up sometimes. Your efforts won’t be discounted. Always remember that gratification will always come at the end, there are no instants and if there were instants we’d be missing a lot of emotions. And if you feel that you weren’t recognized for your efforts, no that’s not true, you will always be important because without you, the council would have never been better. Invest, invest and invest!!! Do not stop investing on yourselves and what you love doing. Do not let your fears keep you from investing. Remember I said you were all kids in my eyes? You will always be, it’s bittersweet, but I have to accept that you’re not kids anymore. Go spread your wonderful wings in the sky! I’d always be here, whichever ground, cheering for you 💕

My Best Execom Ever,

“It’s never too late.” It’s never to late because there are no deadlines to relationships, to friendships. We have the world waiting for us so it’s never too late.

We had our fights that we can alway look back and laugh about 5 years from now. But know that you will always hold a special place in my aorta (not my heart haha i’m trying diba). You guys are the best (enough nato ang overnight to prove na best lage mo). Even if behind the scenes, thank you for cushioning my attitude! Even if its screams hell sometimes (okay, most of the times!). Jhanny, thank you for staying with me no matter how indifferent you are but I know you lead me right. Clof, for telling me to let loose and to have fun. I know, I get the memo haha. Seg, who knows diba? Haha best in chikka nata lol and Fech, apparently test of friendship jud ang ssc.

And lastly, the presidency is a responsibility that is a challenge. There is no perfect idea of what it is about. There is no best definition of what it is, but there is something best about it. It is what is always will be in my heart — my best relationship.

“Know that Pres won’t stay anymore, but Ate Kim will. She will stay.”

Thank you everyone! I would have broke down in tears, but no, I have you guys and I could never be more thankful, sorry and proud of all of you! Continue to speak up through right communication channels. Continue to exemplify Caritas et Scientia. Continue on moving mountains of your dreams and extending possibilities of your passions! And lastly, even if we end our term as SSC Officers, apparently the white hat of SSC in ourselves will always be SSC to the Josenian populace. That doesn’t mean we end our term, we also end being of service and being SSC Officers. So go and live on and pay it forward! I’m going to repeat this over and over again. I know I’m not the first person you’ll call or text or what techy people do nowadays, but know that I’ll always be here 24/7 as your (last haha) option if you run out of people to talk to. Excited for the years ahead of you. Will always be rooting for everyone’s success and if failures happen (then fail and fail more! Samtang early pa to correct mistakes and don’t forget to learn, always learn and at times unlearn). I will surely miss everyone (you get the message). Thank you for loving service. When I want to quit or my not-worthy-stances were creeping in, I just look at you and then I am reminded how I love service and how I am super lucky to have met everyone! Five years, or ten years from now, I hope when I see you at the street or some place and we’d catch up with life. I hope to see everyone happy and in love with life!

Congratulations on your future endeavors, continue to soar high!

 

Valete!

 

“We did not just made it out alive. We made it out broken, whole, and everything we never imagined nor expected. Happy Anniversary!”

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Dedication, Feelings, Friendship, Life, Love, Poem

Jerusha

I’m missing you already!
One of the pose we love to do!

From veins to bones

A creation of God

Of beauty and poise

A trait that seems to follow when I call your name

You are of a spectacle

More than an idea

More than a facade

You are a reality that’s loved

Your scars speaks of truth from the past

That a lady so young has become so strong

Your stretch marks sparks hope to other women that being beautiful does not speak standards

It does however speaks of acceptance, of you

Your mouth which sparks conversation and principles

Of racism

Of sexism

Of topics that I will miss talking with you

But your heart, your heart is something that I love about you

How it speaks of kindness despite pain

How it speaks of happiness despite everyday’s troubles

How it speaks of love, love that’s so deep that even I could not grasp.

You are a beauty

Inside and out

A friend that I will forever cherish

Know that beyond veins and bones, lies a great beyond

A woman of worth

A woman of the world

A woman of God

A woman for herself

By herself and with herself

A woman that future girls would look up to,

A woman that empowers women.

In the core of the earth, if ever you need someone beyond the Pacific

Know that neither the oceans will stop you from calling me because the core of the earth will pull us together like how gravity works

Like how our friendship works

Meshed in the most messed up meeting

Surrounded by uncertainties

But despite the odds

Polished by words of love

Thank you for the friendship

Go soar high! Find the woman that you wanted to become.

Until we cross on the rivers of life, I’ll see you again! But promise me, that by then, you’d still be wearing your best feature; your smile and and your heart.

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to my dearest friend, Ada. I will surely miss you! See you in Hawaii, soon.

Posted in 2017, Comfort, Dedication, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Quotes, Strength, Truth

Remnants of Space

Palm to palm

Across the space

Of the milky way

Of the colors that seems to blend

Of everything so still, so perfect

You are perfect

Your smile speaks of a hundred echoes across the core of the earth

Your kindness speaks of a thousand spectrum of sound waves that seems to calm everyone around

You are perfect

And this you should know

And perfect breaks, too

Like how every galaxies go

It breaks into something more perfect than before

So know that perfect breaks

From memories

From moments

From people

From you

But perfect is perfect

Intangible to everyone

Subjective to someone

But you, you are perfect and you deserve someone who’s not running away mid race

You deserve someone who’s not going to stop the flight mid air

You deserve someone who’d stay

You deserve someone who’d stand with you amidst the fear that both of you holds

You deserve the commitment

You deserve the love

But if you find someone who’d leave, know that if doesn’t make you less perfect

Perfect is being broken

Perfect is being okay

Perfect is being able to grasp the world like a two-year old

Curious

Amazed

Proud

Of the discovery

Of the joy

Of the laughter

Of the sorrow

Of the pain

Know that you were perfect even before he came, even after he left

You are galaxy

A collision of meteors and star dust

Of brilliance that shines at night and gives light at midday

You are cosmo

Residing between time and space

Of the living and non-living

A telescope is not enough to explore the ends of you

But it is the start of unconditional set-ups and get to know you’s

You are perfect

You are enough

You will find someone who’d see you as you

But if he comes back

Or if he does not come at all

Know that you are perfect, first amongst all.

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to my little brother. May you find the love that you deserve. 

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Leadership, Life, Love, She Said, Strength, Truth, Uncategorized

Kim’s Journal: Graduation Pt. 1


Most people wonder how I did it.

How I managed to “balance” my academic life and my extra-curricular life.

I didn’t.

I never knew how to balance it.

I never figured out the secret formula on the balancing act.

Some days, my academics matter the most (that’s when you know I’m on the brink of getting a bad grade and you can’t see me because I’d be pulling an all-nighter and getting myself serious coffee -I usually don’t drink coffee because it will just upset my stomach). Most days, my extra-curricular activities are calling my name (that’s when I can’t even comb my hair and put on my intimidating-million-worries-face).

I don’t know the secret to balancing both life since I’ve got only one life in this game.

I’m still in awe on how I manage to snug both in one setting with me in one piece!

What I do know though, is this.

It will always begin and will always end in the spectrum of love (and priorities of course!). You don’t learn it overnight nor just a year, it’s a continuity of some sorts. The first year will be about adjusting, the next year it will go smoothly (okay maybe less) because you’ve learned the ropes.


I started being involved academically ever since I uttered “school”. Bravely defying all odds to crash the class by being late and grabbing the chalk from my teacher. Talk about being two and without manners! This probably is one of my mother’s vivid memory when I entered pre-school. Trust me, my pre-school days as what I can remember is so the spoiled me.

Moving up to grade school didn’t even tamed down the spoiled me. Though I studied, it was mainly because at the end I know I’d get my reward. I cannot remember what reward that was, but I know that if I do my best it will be waiting at the end of the finish line. They say that the highlight of my academic achievements happened during grade-school. True, but it wasn’t entirely the test of my capacity till high school came.

Dear high school, the time where I realized I’m not made to be just in class and answer questions and solve solutions. This was the first time that I laid my eyes on leadership and that was indeed love at first sight. I’ve seen girls wearing green and marching their hearts out at the amphitheater and I told myself I wanted to be like them. I didn’t get the opportunity to do that during my first year though. I ended up entering my application come second year and to tell you the truth I honestly did not expect that the training to become a girl scout in San Jose would be so hard (our training is patterned after the Boy Scouts because of the teachings of late Sir Damazo). My two weeks was hell. It drained my physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My “proud” self, the self that feels “too important” finally realized how small I am, how I don’t know everything. We do it differently in scouting, it’s more than what they say as harsh, it was more on tough love. And that’s the reason why even at times, I try to tone it down, the main influence of my leadership journey will always go back to scouting. I learned that it doesn’t make sense to lead without doing it, to scold without actually complying, to react when you don’t even try. It didn’t stop there though. It became a landslide of extra-curricular activities, from handling the Publications, to leading the Recollect Augustinian Youth (voc jams are the bomb!), to getting whirled in the life of debate and other extra-curricular activities in school. Dubbed by most people as “stressed-girl” during high school, I just laughed it off because I wasn’t stressed, I just learned how love feels like. Don’t get me wrong, even if I handled a lot of organizations, my academics is not entirely polished! I remember crying in class because I can’t balance the sheets in accounting, I remember crying because for four consecutive times, I failed in my physics exam because I could not get the answer even if the formula is given. I was that student, too. I slept late because thesis happened and slept late preparing for org events. I cried a lot when I get stressed. I usually joked around and say that crying is good for my eyes because it’s cleansing. But eventually, my academics went and moved according to the flow and my organizations followed suit.

What I can say is that truly, I’m not just made to just sit in class. I’ve learned the very essential values in extra-curricular activities. I’ve been shout at by my mentors with lines that goes, “Apolinar, don’t give me problems. Give me solutions to your problems!” Or “Apolinar, everyone is dispensable. Just because you are the best doesn’t mean you can’t get replaced. So practice!” And my favorite line, “Humility, always.”

Looking back, I guess that’s how I got tough. Looking back, I couldn’t be anymore proud to my mentors and leaders way back. I owe to it to Tita Grace, , to Mommy Quat, to Miss Seville, to Ma’am Tomaroy, Kuya Melvin and among many others. Looking back, I owe my experience to them to who I am now, what I am now and where I am now.
I told myself that it would be pure stupidity to enter in org activities during college. Indeed, I was the funny one because during the first week of college, I remembered crying (okay guys, himi jud kaayo ko) because I don’t have anything to do and it was driving me insane! The best decision was to join orgs and it was truly the best decision.

I’d always have my Debate, JJD and SSC to thank for throughout my college life. For continuously molding me and challenging me to try to find ways to handle organizations. Trust me, it wasn’t easy! I was trained differently and I got slightly confused on how to adjust. On some cases, that wasn’t the case. I’m still the strict person who’d always nag about deadlines, cleanliness, being on time, and whatever I find at that moment. Debate though was another story! It was more of like finding a reason to stay, and I couldn’t be anymore prouder because in staying, I’ve learned the value of what it means to be in love. So as the council, I promised to never get involved when I will reach my fourth year in Uni because I would dedicate my last year studying and spending it with the friends and answering invitations of conferences in the country and even abroad. But it didn’t happen that way though. But I never regretted it because if I didn’t entered the council, I would never know the people who would become my earphones and shock absorbers. I’d always be thankful to the council for letting me learn and open up the soft side of myself (secretly haha).

I’ve maybe witnessed my growth. Maybe people who have been with me witnessed my growth. Whichever way.

I still remember doing my org list if I get bored at class and doing my acad list if I know that I might fail the subject.

I’ve had this idea that I’d only bring my homeworks to the house and leave org matters at school. Guess what? I’m not bringing both because the house is for sleeping and binge-watching series!

College was entirely different in terms of academics. The competition scene is there but it was mostly on how I manage to endure not sleeping early and making written works. Trust me, I feel like half of my college days was spent sleeping because I can’t think clearly when it comes to my academics. But the feeling to get a low grade because I didn’t study made me challenge myself more because I have this idea that if I studied, I would have gotten a better grade plus a different set of reward was waiting so I had to make an effort.

I guess it’s a matter of priorities and goal setting. I guess it’s always that. I still put my acads on top of my to-do-list and label my organizations according to importance. And though I skipped class because of my orgs, trust me, I cried on that, too! It will always be a burden for me to catch up, but I love the thrill and the excitement of both and I guess that I might suck at building my own studying habit (which I do recommend to have one!), I managed to suck it up and work my way.

The road wasn’t easy. This is where my family and friends comes in and I couldn’t be anymore than happier. I will never forget their nagging and pressures to live up being responsible! Indeed, it surely pays off.



I guess this is for the days that I didn’t go home, this is for the Sunday’s and the week that I’m away to some place debating, or fixing an event. This is for the idea that I’ve become a boarder in my parent’s house. This is for the days that I want to give up and quit. This is for the days that I recited the Desiderata for guidance and the Don’t Quit Poem for motivation. This is for the days that I said, “go on, Kimmy, try again. And this time try super hard! You are superwoman anyway. So suck it up and don’t cry ma ruin imong eyeliner.” This is for the days that I asked fro help from the people around me. This is for everyone who has been my inspiration.

So congrats, self! For slightly breaking the idea that just because your life revolves on your extra-curricular activities, you can’t excel academically.


With that, it’s your turn to defy some traditional lines and be a modern superhero 😉

 

Valete!