Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, She Said, Strength, Travel, Truth, Uncategorized, Walls, Work

Kim’s Journal: The Big Move

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Some days you just have to create color

“I’ve made impulsive and cautious decisions over the course of my life. With impulse, I’ve lost and made friends, money, opportunities and even myself. With caution, there’s still not much of a difference since I’ve also lost relationships, money, opportunities and even myself. But on the bright side, I’ve gained a will to carry on, a time to rethink my steps and gain wisdom (I hope so!).”

After graduation I was offered opportunities and I, being honest here, rejected and did not take them. It wasn’t entitlement, it was finding a sense of happiness and purpose, I guess. The reason? Well, I felt empty and quite nowhere. A few months before graduation, I felt that the topmost priority for me was a job! People kept asking where I will work or where I want to work. I answered them just to simply keep them from probing more questions that I didn’t want to answer, because the truthful answer that they wouldn’t have wanted to hear was, “I don’t know.”

I honestly don’t know. I’ve checked out opportunities and felt that it could work and suddenly when it came, I was the first one out of the door. I went into interviews but withdrew my application after the interviews because I felt that it wasn’t right. I entered engagements, but chickened out a few days before it started because my gut felt so burdened. I was not in-between, nor was I myself. It was the first time that I encountered the other side of myself. It didn’t scare me, but it amused me for a moment. I came to realize that’s just me being human.

Over the years, I’ve had decisions that was inorganic due to pressure and to not wanting to have bad blood over the people in my life over the choices that I made. I’ve had engagements that I could not back out. I told myself, this time, it’s going to be different. Fast forward to months after dilly-dallying everything, I (think I) finally settled at the moment.

Moving from a big city to a bigger city and letting go of the comforts of what my home used to offer me was exciting and kind of sad (I learned some basic life skills like how to do laundry!!!). That was what my adventurous self felt. Yet, a few days of boarding into a new adventure, my cautious self wanted out. It wanted to crawl back to the rock that I have been living in over the course of two months. But a bigger part of me wanted in. Talk about irony! It wanted to try — to try to do something I’ve never done for myself (i.e. make bigger decisions in life). It wanted to fully make an organic choice. Without pressure, without negative factors. And it was liberating.

The main thing that I’ve learned from this big move is that things will come at the right time. Though people will have it differently, case in point: the demarcation line of the different levels of privilege. My feeble heart still believes that we can break that line even if chances are so slim. Those set-backs are part of something bigger. Though it won’t come easily and the process of going there may seem to suck everything out of that spirit within us, don’t give up (just curse or release that via yoga or some stress balls).

Getting to where you want to go is in itself what we do in life. Believe me, I never planned for this. I have a book which I’d like to call a goal book, where I’ve written my planned dreams (including but not limited to getting a job at X company), and a lot of other things. But this one came in my most unplanned moment and in my most impulsive moment.

Remember though that this is not a race. I know we’ve been exposed to the internet, of people and the lives that they live. A little part of me envies it sometimes, but this is one thing that I believe: that deep inside everyone has different lives, different shoes to fill, different problems to face. No matter how happy it may seem, we all have some fucked up moments too. If I wished my life was different, I would not have met beautiful people along the way; the people who helped me paint life beautifully.

I’d stop here. But whoever you are, whatever you are doing and wherever you may be, I wish you’d never lose hope (it’s free!) and courage to keep moving forward (by that I mean, study smartly, discipline yourself if you want to lose weight, and things that you know better vs me). You’d eventually find your place in the bigger scheme of things. And if you haven’t, and you’re stuck at doing what you least like, you may need that experience and wisdom (and money) to move yourself through what you really desire. I wish I could say believe me, that would be so hypocritical of me then, but we need to start somewhere right? And if the chapters that we’re having now in our books will lead us closer to whatever we want in the next 10 chapters or so, then we might as well try.

 

Valete!

 

P.S. This is to our past self who belittled ourselves. The present is laughing right now because the universe truly conspires for things to happen. Some beautiful things do come in the most unplanned and unexpected moments. And some arrive because we planned them beautifully and passionately. Trust in that timing and if it fails, then that’s a bonus round to keep on trying.

 

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Posted in 2017, Choices, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, pain, Quotes, Relationships, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Abundance of Noes

A meaningful no is better than an empty yes

At that time when you said no,

I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means

Does it mean yes but perhaps later?

When we’re slightly older,

When we can pay our own meals,

When we can pay our own bills,

Older

That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,

When we are established,

Ready to settle,

Ready to say this is the time,

Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?

When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives

When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours

Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?

Where it’s just the two us

No judgments

No prejudices

No lies

No boundaries

No prying eyes

Just us

Does it mean yes?

With hope in my heart

That someday we could be

We could find ourselves in the sand

Lying till our backs hurt

Lying till we are tanned

Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears

Spilling everything that we’re not

Spilling everything that we wish we are

No holding back

Just pure surrender?

I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found

That made my reasoning more okay

More bearable

More kind

Stubborn as my heart

That maybe no means almost

We could almost danced.

We could almost held hands.

We could almost kissed.

We could almost had it.

We could almost had our moment.

We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits

And when the clues of the universe made sense

It make a lot of sense

Unforgiving

Harsh

But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago

In much worst conditions

I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though

I guess it just

Stings

I just made up reason of your no

Your no does not mean yes

Your no does not mean almost

Your no does not mean possibilities

Your no does not mean ever after

Your no means no

And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around

For it to sound yes

But the universe whispered,

“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”

But the stubborn master,

Behind the bleeding walls of the body

Who pumps and deliver

Could not wonder but ask

“What if he’s the one and he says no?”

The universe laughed

“His no will be different amongst others.”

But the stubborn master asked again

“How do you know?”

“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes

And I’d stop asking the universe for signs

I’d stop praying for things to turn around

I’d stop making idealistic stories of us

An meaningful yes’ will come

And that time it won’t be you

It will be my yes

We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that

We’d both pray for things to be fine

And

We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours

That I am his

That he’s mine

Till then, have fun my yes

Continue to learn, laugh and love

Till we meet

Until we meet

I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey

That you’d come

Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.

Without reservations

Without hesitations

Without restrictions

Without reasons

Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of

I could, I would.

 

Valete!

 

In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live. 

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Comfort, Dedication, Dreams, Feelings, Life, Love, Poem, Truth, Walls

Shoreline

Someday, same place, different company, different feels

I’ve never been born an adventurer.

Mom was scared of traversing through rocky plains and uncharted territories.

It’s maybe because that she never dared to step out from her comfort zone when she was young until now.

If I paint my mother.

She would have been the great land.

Unmoving, rigid, rooted

Always in the comfort of going back to what’s safe – earth.

If you met my dad, you’d know how I became an adventurer.

Dad was the captain of MV Life, journeying across great bodies of ocean

It’s maybe because of his career that pump lots of adrenaline in his body.

If I paint my father.

He would have been the great seas.

Moving, wide, punishing.

Always the dare, never the truth.

Always the thrill seeker, never the watcher.

I’m not born an adventurer, I’m not raised as an adventurer.

I’m the balance of both the great land and the great sea,

I’m the space separating the great land and the great seas,

I’m the shoreline ,

The great divide,

I’m the coastline,

The great mark of in-betweens.

I’m the certainty of the meet-up,

Of simply being punished by the great waves and being calmed by the great land.

I’m the uncertainty of the tides,

Strong

Weak

Sometimes angry

Sometimes soothing

You cannot paint me but most people try.

They try to use up all the sand

They try to use up all the colors of the rainbow

Trying to paint someone who can’t be painted

Not me.

Not the boundary

The bounds of the middle

The piece that’s still a question

Does the shoreline know who she wants to become?

Will she be the great land or the great seas?

Will she be both?

No

For I know the shoreline is the shoreline

Never the great land

Never the great seas

But always the beauty of the in-betweens

Always the meeting place

Never the place

Always the bridge

Never the lovers

Always the center

But never the world

Always there

But unknown

Unmoving

Rigid

Safe

Sometimes she want to be punishing, moving and wide

And she did, once

Or was it twice? Thrice?

No, it was until the fourth

And she did realize

That the great land is like her mind

Safe

Rationale

The other side

But her heart, oh her heart,

Was always the adventurer

Moving

In the right and wrong places

Loving men who cannot grasp the kind of love she tried to give

Loving men who always will be her almost

Punishing

In ways she cannot imagine having to cry

In ways she cannot imagine how to laugh

In ways she cannot imagine she has,

The power to survive rough waves

The power to continue despite the calm deep

Her heart will always be the sail

Never the sailor

The wind loved the sail

But the sailor always holds back

Her heart never holds back

On her choices

On her fears

And maybe one day I’ll realize

I’ll realize that I’ll be sailing right,

Right to where the wind will take me

Not safe

But safer

Uncertain yet certain

But I know I’d be sailing it right to you

I’d be not just the center, but the world

I’d be land and the sea

Of the great beyond

Of blue and green

Of the universe that’s in me

I’d be sailing right,

Right to where I’d not just be a meeting place of star-crossed lovers,

But I’d be the place

The place where someone will be safe

The place where someone will find a home

Where I will be home.

Where I will be.

I will be.

I will be enough.

I will be eternity.

I will be loved.

Till then, I’d continue to be shoreline

Existing

Resisting

At the moment, persisting to find a place where I will stay and finally call it a day.

Where someone will stay and finally call me home.

Finally, I will be the truth and not the dare.

Finally.

Where finally I can say, je t’aime mon amour, bienvenue à la maison.

 

Valete!


In dedication to my parents, thank you for being safe yet punishing, rigid yet moving. I owe what I am today because of you. Your daughter will be soaring and she will eventually find home. 

Posted in 2017, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

My In-Between

To my in-between,

You came in the least moment that I expected.

I was young,

I was made of high walls,

And confused moments,

I was in love with him.

You came and the first time I laid my eyes on you,

I noticed,

I noticed the wrinkles in your eyes when you smile,

I noticed your little freckles when you talk,

I noticed every little changes in you,

And I loved them,

I loved how your smile lights up everything in my life,

Without you noticing it.

I loved how you talk, your opinions matter as what you say,

I loved the changes in you,

It reminded me that you are human,

I wished I could tell you how I feel.

I wished I could tell you how I seem to wonder if we could be,

I wished I could tell you thank you,

Thank you for the friendship,

It was something that I would treasure.

Thank you for the kindness,

It was something that will forever etched in my heart.

Thank you for the moments,

The little war that somehow made my day without you knowing it.

But thank you, for allowing me to love you secretly.

Behind the curtains,

Behind the corals of the deep blue sea,

The waves seems to keep on punishing me at this moment,

The air grows impatient by tangling my hair,

Nature seems to have conspired for me,

They sent me messages,

Whispers of letting myself gather courage,

To tell how I feel,

And I do,

I do,

And I am,

Falling in love with you,

Long before things happened.

Long before you knew.

Long before they knew.

I am falling in love with you,

But now, now I feel that it’s high time

To let these feelings go,

To let my heart breathe once again,

To let myself see reason,

That you and me,

It’s a pair, it’s a conspiracy,

That the universe won’t even approve

Yet in the distanct sky,

I wished the universe is wrong.

 

Valete!

 

“Here’s to choices and letting the universe do its thing.”

 

Posted in 2016, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Life, Love, Solo Traveling, Strength, Travel, Truth, Walls

#KimmyTakes: Boracay

I fell in love with the hashtag my dear friend, Cherry, gave me when I was traveling alone in Singapore last August which was #KimmyTakes and I guess I’ve been stuck with it, if ever I’m traveling alone (plus I added #monopodgoals too!) It’s my second solo trip this year and I’m questioning myself if either I’m the type of person that people liked to ditch or just insane (well both).

Supposedly, I’m going with my friends, but last minute changes happened along the way, so this time, I’m taking myself to Boracay, Philippines which according to my research is more fun when you have your family or friends with you. Trust me, it does (plus you can save some expenses too! Haha).

With my four days, three nights trip. I’ve fancied my way through the beaches of Station 1, Station 2 and a little bit of Station 3 (I have a low stamina because I walked haha). I’ve learned some tips along the way. My trip isn’t your typical let-us-have-fun-trip and adrenaline-pumping-ride (I’m saving that when I will come back in Boracay my sister). Rather, it’s more on unwinding from stress (the-solo-way).


These are just few of the takeaways that I have for this soulful trip.

1. Pick a date. I already had my eye on which date I will plot to go to Boracay last summer, so it was easier for me to play with promo rates from different airlines.

2. Pick a stop. You have two options to get to Boracay. One, is you take the Kalibo route which is approximately 2 hours away from Caticlan and two, is you take the Caticlan route which is approximately 15 minutes to Boracay Island. I was playing with promo rates and I got my one-way (you’ll know soon!) ticket from Cebu to Kalibo for just 600php (c/o Cebu Pacific). Imagine the price that I saved! A usual one-way ticket from Cebu to Kalibo will cost you around 1,500php and from Cebu to Caticlan (a nearer route) one-way ticket will cost you around 3,000php. It will continue to go higher if you delay your booking.

3. Plan your accommodations. It was less hassle for my part because my parents are members of Club Astoria, so I basically got my accoms for free! I just realized that if my accoms weren’t free, then Boracay is quite expensive if you want to stay at a better hotel if that’s your goal. But if it’s entirely a different goal then there are budget hotels in the Island as well.

The room is big that it can fit 6 people!
Drinks to welcome you (I didn’t understand the taste tho 😂)

4. And that’s it.

5. I’m kidding! But I basically ended with number three plus I got ditched so I immediately researched for ways to get from Kalibo to Caticlan safely since my flight happens to be at night.

6. Kalibo-Caticlan getaway. Cebu Pacific offers a one-way ticket going to Caticlan, plus the terminal fee and environmental fee with a Boat Ride to Boracay Island and a door-to-door transportation to the hotel of your choice. I grabbed the chance and bought it for 650php and that saved me for that night (since I have no energy to come up with life-saving techniques aka find a lower price because I arrived 8pm! plus I wasn’t in the mood to do anymore thinking that night).

7. Bring #ootds. Since, Boracay is literally lovely! You can never go wrong in taking #ootd shots even when you’re going solo, you can ask anyone to take photos of you.

My only decent full body photo courtesy of some random person

8. Bring your monopod/tripod. Since you’re traveling solo, that also means less decent pictures. So let’s compromise and bring some monopod/tripod for your phone or camera. It will do the trick (plus some lovely photos, too!)


9. Plan and unplan. I planned on which restaurants to go to, but I ended up diverting away from my plan. It’s good to have a back-up plan though if ever you’ll fail on the diverted plan.


10. Bring cash. Boracay Island is not entirely cheap. I went inside Starbucks and the prices increased from what I am used to. A belgian waffle costs 95php in Cebu, costs 105php in Boracay. Same goes to some restaurants (if you really like restaurant exploring), they are quite expensive actually. Bring cash as well for souvenirs!


11. Have fun and try new things. Even though I was traveling alone, I did have fun — by my definition of fun that means I go out at night for some chill music sessions by the beach and have morning and afternoon strolls (plus food trips in between). It’s quite expensive and kind of sad to do water sports alone, so I made a pass (and will do it with my sister soon or calling out my friends or, or my soon to be best…love lol, not happening!).


12. You can survive. You really can if you also think you can then you can (get me? Haha!


It’s never a dull moment even if you try going to some place you never knew how to navigate and alone. You’ll get this feeling of euphoria and you can’t get it out from your system and later you’ll eventually crave for it once more. People usually call me out for doing such crazy scheme like traveling alone!, but I, in turn, brushed it off and just think of it as one for the books! You know I’m a hopeless romantic (lol), so I try to think of it as a fun story to tell and brag my future love about (because he found me late –that if late has a standard!).


On the other note, I dedicate this post to Sir Phil and Charles who won the 2nd Visayas Universities Debate Championship-BP (I guess ditching Boracay has its perks 😎) Congratulations guys!

 

Valete!

Posted in Comfort, Experiences, Feelings, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

Early Stages

She found herself reaching out for the nearest sharp object in the room. Its color speaks of a cheetah’s spots in wilderness, wild and calm, ironic but beautiful. Its blade when raised to the sky brings light that could make sensitive eyes blink twice.

She found herself using the sharp object that she found, she used it for its purpose. At first it was to make some writing material straight, at times it was to make some writing material in different shapes as she figured out which one’s better.

She found herself enjoying the little joy it has brought to the world until she tried harming herself because she thought that if her inside bleeds so much, then how come make it fair for her outside? If it bleeds so much, then its high time to let it all out.

She found gripping the beautiful sharp object tight. Tight enough that she noticed the pain. Ah, the pain. The pain that could not even compare with the pain that she’s feeling inside. It was not bliss, it was not anywhere near happiness. But as the pain turned into liquid, she now knew it never mattered to anyone, anyway. That she doesn’t matter anyway.

She had long accepted that pain is also like a double-edged sword. Even if you swear it wouldn’t get to you, it eventually will. It will come and will rob you of your senses and you are eventually left with pools of blood — the pools that left you a satisfaction far better than the first one.

 

Valete!

Posted in Adventure, Comfort, Courage, Experiences, Feelings, He Said, Intimacy, Life, Love, Poem, Quotes, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Stills and Learning

Persona of notices of moments that were long gone
Persona of everything doesn’t go according to my will
Persona of a delusional future and a dysfunctional present

You’ll eventually learn that promises are notices of moments that you long to have and sometimes they’re notices of the deadlines of what could happen. You’ll eventually learn that words are just words unless you put meaning and life unto it. Until you place it in your heart and hold on to it for the rest of your life. You’ll eventually learn that expectations are part of human life and eventually they’ll rip your hearts into pieces that could morphed into the feeling of betrayal but eventually you’ll learn to laugh at yourself for believing that you’re always the first option, when in fact options are not constant in this world. Eventually you’ll learn your place in his life as mere spectator or a passing friend and you’d cope up with the loss and the pain and everything messy in between. You’ll eventually learn to distance yourself as time keeps on speeding by because velocity is something you cannot obtain easily. You’ll eventually stop writing stories in your head, stories of confessions and break-ups because you eventually learn that weaving stories in your brain is making you delusional of the future and dysfunctional of the present. Eventually you’ll learn that everything does not go according to your will and the world even if they conspire for you will eventually stab you sometimes, but you’ll eventually learn that it’s how they inculcate lessons and miracles. Eventually you’ll learn that what you learned is not enough and you have the world as your library to explore. And even if you have to do it on your own sometimes, eventually you’ll learn that being able to lean on yourself for comfort is not selfish but it’s how you learn to be sane for some time. Eventually you’ll get tired and wished that even if you’re some smart, classy, strong and independent woman there will come a time when you just want to curl on the sofa and wished that he will stroke your hair for comfort, that you will not be alone. Eventually I’m good at making up romantic scenarios but eventually I learned it will keep on letting me hope and hope comes with hurt all the time.

But…

Even if I learned those things, I will still continue on learning about you and I will never stop loving you from a distance.

 

Valete!

Posted in Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Experiences, Feelings, Leadership, Life, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Leadership Takeaway: Courage

Me: This is crazy. Okay, self, you’ve been through a lot, this is just a piece of cake. Here goes nothing (and then I began walking plus the poles were shaky!)

I am a believer of all things possible. That’s what I told myself when things go wrong or when things are not moving at all. I am a believer, that for you to take on challenges you must have this drive, this will, this thing-that-you-cannot-explain out there for yourself to own.

Last January, I attended my political party’s convention due to my dear friend who told me to just try. Instinct told me that if I ever stepped foot on that place, I might be forced (encouraged was the term they use) to run for our student government in the University. Trust me, I didn’t want anything to do with the student government (mainly because I didn’t have any affinity to it). I just had a bad feeling about it, it’s something that I couldn’t explain that time, well heck, even, but I can describe the feeling back then as something weird and superbly wrong. But as an informed person, I made a choice and went there anyway to just to see what will happen. I knew deep down I’m not fit to hold higher responsibilities mainly because I don’t have any background about governing the student body and at the same time (as most leaders would say) I would like to take a rest and enjoy my last year as a student while at the same time focus on my academics. Something happened that day, I got voted to represent my party aka I’m running for office and the worst part was I’m running for presidency (it was really what I said: superbly wrong!). Mind you, it was my dream when I was still in high school to run for president in the student council, but many things happened along the way (hello, disappointments and heartbreaks) that when the opportunity landed on my doorstep, I freaked out and left after (literally left after!).

Many questions were running in my mind that time. As I went home, I slept on those questions hoping it would leave me, but it didn’t. I went to school the next day and as I looked at the students, I just chanted! (like I’m a crazy person talking to herself) Will I be able to serve them? Will I? Will I be able to do something when even I am not sure if I like it. Will I be able to do it even if I have this wrong feeling?

It’s been 8 months you see, and if you’d ask me where the questions took me, it took me here (at the council) and serving the entire student body. There are still many questions running in my head and many doubts that I encountered along the way. Almost all of the doubts and fears, I learned the basic values of leadership that I may have taken for granted by forgetting or just hiding it along the way.

Yet today, as I write this. I look at the coming days. I will soon deliver my State of the Council Address, and I begin to wonder what could have become of me if I didn’t take on the challenge? You see it wasn’t easy! I was not the friendly person much more I do not like people touching me because it makes me uncomfortable, nor do I like making my persona soft (as if I changed it, I became myself anyway when I campaigned) because that’s just not me when it comes to leadership. Plus I’m the aggressive-strong type which I gather that I don’t have any charisma at my possession. But right now, as raindrops fall on the window at my room I begin to reminisce the fear and the wrong feelings that I encountered months ago. What have become of me if I didn’t take the courage to say yes fully? I gave my half-hearted yes even until elections. I wished some miracle would happen to not let it be me and that’s the truth, but the deeper truth was that I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’d fail the people who trusted me to do something. I’m afraid to have failed them and I don’t want to do that because I know the feeling because along the way, as I got on with my life people failed me as well and it was one of the saddest feeling that I felt and as much as possible I want to try avoiding that on my everyday encounters (you know failing people that I care about, failing people that I promised to take care of). Yet, it gives me this deeper reflection of myself, of my perfectionist side. I forgot that if I wouldn’t fail (since every first time is worth a try) how would I even learn?

Did I fail? A hundred times! But why did I still have to go back up again? Aside from it’s my responsibility and maybe because I developed a much thicker face to do it thrice again (lol). I also got to meet courage again along the way.

Courage told me that they were best friends with Bravery but what makes it different is that Courage is more of like a mental activity, it’s something that you do and decide but you do and you decide in a time frame that wraps you up in fears that you never imagined you owned. It’s Courage that I found when I want to just curl up in bed and let my visiting teardrops fall because I felt like a failure when I don’t get things done the way I imagined it to be. When I’m losing people that I had befriended, people that I value, I felt that losing them everyday and letting them slip in my own hands because of my own doing, because at that moment I was bubble-wrapped to even give time to care, I felt like I am failing not just as a leader, but as a person. Yet, how did I get up every day and even had time to shout to the world that I am fine despite everything? I guess my friend Courage always reminded me that finding other friends such as strength and bravery works. And I just have to trust myself that I can do it. That failure and that my friends who are slipping away are things that I have to experience to know what it takes to be courageous enough to face the reality that this happens. I always believe it happens for a reason and these are tests of my stamina to be courageous even if you’ve been broken hearted over and over again. Even if it hurts, you never stop being courageous.

I hope courage will find its way to you. I know it has. But if you doubt it will find you, you’d never find it. You need to lower a little bit of self-doubts to find courage within you. I lowered quite a lot of self-doubt-walls before courage even said hi.

I wish you well in your leadership journey. I hope we’ll meet again. Till next leadership stories!
Valete!

Posted in Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Intimacy, Life, Love, She Said, Truth, Uncategorized, Walls

Letters

image
Captured: Nhi

Dear Past Self,

For pulling through all these years,

With puffy eyes because determination does not take no for an answer;
With runny nose for trying every opportunities that comes in your way;
With kind ears for every poems and songs that are slowly becoming a comfortable place;
With swollen lips that did not have enough water regime because you love to share your words and question beliefs;
With calloused hands that writes the most beautiful stories of passion and survival;
With bruised knees because running is the only solace that can release endorphins for a challenging day and you need all the energy to be happy;
With aching feet for walking and catching up with the people that mattered and will matter;
With a broken heart because you give pieces indirectly to the people you care;

You tried everything unconditionally, eventually you failed because along the way, some things don’t work out. You figured out that you’re also human and capable of feelings which you cannot standardize everyone else’s.

You’ve learn so much, and will learn so much. You kept friendships and lose some. You wallow for the losses but never give up on trying to build new ones. You will love plenty and lose plenty, yet continue to do it anyway because everything is a process which you still cannot comprehend.

Thank you for pulling through all these years with me. For the patience, for the knowledge, for the gift of family, friends, acquaintances and strangers.

 

Valete!

Posted in Dreams, Experiences, Intimacy, Life, She Said, Truth, Uncategorized, Walls

Kim’s Journal: Twenty Takes

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📷: Nhi

I have long accepted challenges that comes in my way, but this challenge is particularly different. Since I revamped my blog (not so long ago), what better way to get to know my thoughts, my fears, my likes, and my dislikes through a twenty-take challenge!

1. I am lactose intolerant. I know, it is sad! But there are days where I defy the odds and take on lactose products wishing the side-effects will not happen, but guess what? It doesn’t!
2. Though I am lactose intolerant, I really really really love ice cream! No fuss flavor, vanilla is my favorite! You can also hand me cookies and cream anytime of the day.
3. I am a rice eater. Take me at any food place as long as there is rice on the menu then I’m the happiest girl alive! When I go to places that rice is an option, I diligently look for it! I can finish up to six bowls to half-filled rice cooker, that if I’m very hungry. Most of the days two bowls is enough.
4. Did I mention I love to eat? Plus I love anything spicy! I feel that a meal won’t be complete if ever it’s not spicy 😁
5. I love books. I like to read books. I have read over 591 (and a half) books ranging from fiction to non-fiction. The huge chunk of reading happened way back high school years.
6. I am super talkative! I love to talk most of the time. I tried to keep my mouth shut in a crowd, but it only lasts for five minutes.
7. I love to travel! Though I wish I could have more time and money to do it.
8. My first solo trip in the country was way back 10 years ago (thank you parents!). Took my first solo trip going to Subic Bay for a camp…
9. While my first solo trip abroad was just recent. I went to Singapore to attend a Leaders Travel and Learning Camp. Though it wasn’t my first time there, I got worried if ever I can make it out! I got lost most of the time, but had the most amazing “me” time. I also was mistaken for a Chinese and a local!
10. I’m not a dessert kind of person. I have low tolerance for anything sweet, much more too sweet. I can’t basically finish a slice of chocolate cake!

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We’re halfway there!

11. I like to watch tv series. My favorite includes Castle, How to Get Away With Murder, How I Met Your Mother, Quantico, New Girl, NCIS and Scandal!
12. My curls came from a long process of not taking good care of my straight hair. So basically, it is natural! Do I miss my straight hair? Some days, but I love having my curls around as long as it doesn’t puff!
13. I like dressing up. The world is my runway anyway. I’m a mini-skirt-kind of girl. I have two pairs of pants just for the sake that I can get inside the University. I am not a fan of sneakers though, it does not look good on me.
14. I love my scarves! I love having them and pairing it up with an outfit. Gift ideas? A scarf would do!
15. I believe that I shall not be contained in a classroom. Though I value knowledge, I cannot sit still in a class lecture that will last for even an hour! Imagine my attention span. But even if that’s the case, I still study to maintain my grade. I am mostly an extra-curricular kind of girl. You can find me running from one event to another, or running a council to juggling debate practices over the weekend. That and my events management business that I have with my high school friends plus my networking business (which today is inactive because of demands from the University).
16. I hoard notebooks and journals and to-do lists! I basically go gaga over those things.
17. I haven’t read Harry Potter. And yes, I will read it in the near future. I’m finding the particular time to buy the book set.
18. I do not like animals except a panda, a lion, and a dog! Apart from that, count me out.

19. I do not like any physical affection (ie hugging, kissing etc). Trust me, I judge people touching me. I just don’t like to be touched. I’ve quite adjusted to my girl friends and gay friends hugging me, for my super close guy friends since high school, I’m still adjusting. To the people that I met, I just do it for “social scene” sake but trust me, I want to run every damn time.
20. You guessed it right! I don’t have anyone special (the romantic kind) never had one ever since birth. Yet, I make the best advice (my friends will debate with me on this one).

Valete!