Posted in 2017, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

My In-Between

To my in-between,

You came in the least moment that I expected.

I was young,

I was made of high walls,

And confused moments,

I was in love with him.

You came and the first time I laid my eyes on you,

I noticed,

I noticed the wrinkles in your eyes when you smile,

I noticed your little freckles when you talk,

I noticed every little changes in you,

And I loved them,

I loved how your smile lights up everything in my life,

Without you noticing it.

I loved how you talk, your opinions matter as what you say,

I loved the changes in you,

It reminded me that you are human,

I wished I could tell you how I feel.

I wished I could tell you how I seem to wonder if we could be,

I wished I could tell you thank you,

Thank you for the friendship,

It was something that I would treasure.

Thank you for the kindness,

It was something that will forever etched in my heart.

Thank you for the moments,

The little war that somehow made my day without you knowing it.

But thank you, for allowing me to love you secretly.

Behind the curtains,

Behind the corals of the deep blue sea,

The waves seems to keep on punishing me at this moment,

The air grows impatient by tangling my hair,

Nature seems to have conspired for me,

They sent me messages,

Whispers of letting myself gather courage,

To tell how I feel,

And I do,

I do,

And I am,

Falling in love with you,

Long before things happened.

Long before you knew.

Long before they knew.

I am falling in love with you,

But now, now I feel that it’s high time

To let these feelings go,

To let my heart breathe once again,

To let myself see reason,

That you and me,

It’s a pair, it’s a conspiracy,

That the universe won’t even approve

Yet in the distanct sky,

I wished the universe is wrong.

 

Valete!

 

“Here’s to choices and letting the universe do its thing.”

 

Posted in Comfort, Experiences, Feelings, Sadness, She Said, Truth, Walls

Early Stages

She found herself reaching out for the nearest sharp object in the room. Its color speaks of a cheetah’s spots in wilderness, wild and calm, ironic but beautiful. Its blade when raised to the sky brings light that could make sensitive eyes blink twice.

She found herself using the sharp object that she found, she used it for its purpose. At first it was to make some writing material straight, at times it was to make some writing material in different shapes as she figured out which one’s better.

She found herself enjoying the little joy it has brought to the world until she tried harming herself because she thought that if her inside bleeds so much, then how come make it fair for her outside? If it bleeds so much, then its high time to let it all out.

She found gripping the beautiful sharp object tight. Tight enough that she noticed the pain. Ah, the pain. The pain that could not even compare with the pain that she’s feeling inside. It was not bliss, it was not anywhere near happiness. But as the pain turned into liquid, she now knew it never mattered to anyone, anyway. That she doesn’t matter anyway.

She had long accepted that pain is also like a double-edged sword. Even if you swear it wouldn’t get to you, it eventually will. It will come and will rob you of your senses and you are eventually left with pools of blood — the pools that left you a satisfaction far better than the first one.

 

Valete!