Posted in 2017, Choices, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, pain, Quotes, Relationships, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Abundance of Noes

A meaningful no is better than an empty yes
At that time when you said no,

I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means

Does it mean yes but perhaps later?

When we’re slightly older,

When we can pay our own meals,

When we can pay our own bills,

Older

That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,

When we are established,

Ready to settle,

Ready to say this is the time,

Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?

When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives

When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours

Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?

Where it’s just the two us

No judgments

No prejudices

No lies

No boundaries

No prying eyes

Just us

Does it mean yes?

With hope in my heart

That someday we could be

We could find ourselves in the sand

Lying till our backs hurt

Lying till we are tanned

Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears

Spilling everything that we’re not 

Spilling everything that we wish we are

No holding back

Just pure surrender?
I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found

That made my reasoning more okay

More bearable

More kind

Stubborn as my heart

That maybe no means almost

We could almost danced.

We could almost held hands.

We could almost kissed.

We could almost had it.

We could almost had our moment.

We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits

And when the clues of the universe made sense

It make a lot of sense

Unforgiving

Harsh

But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago

In much worst conditions

I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though

I guess it just

Stings

I just made up reason of your no

Your no does not mean yes

Your no does not mean almost

Your no does not mean possibilities

Your no does not mean ever after

Your no means no

And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around

For it to sound yes

But the universe whispered,

“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”

But the stubborn master,

Behind the bleeding walls of the body

Who pumps and deliver

Could not wonder but ask

“What if he’s the one and he says no?”

The universe laughed

“His no will be different amongst others.”

But the stubborn master asked again

“How do you know?”

“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes

And I’d stop asking the universe for signs

I’d stop praying for things to turn around

I’d stop making idealistic stories of us
An meaningful yes’ will come

And that time it won’t be you

It will be my yes

We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that

We’d both pray for things to be fine

And

We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours

That I am his

That he’s mine

Till then, have fun my yes

Continue to learn, laugh and love

Till we meet

Until we meet

I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey 

That you’d come

Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.

Without reservations

Without hesitations

Without restrictions

Without reasons

Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of 

I could, I would.
Valete!

In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live. 

Posted in 2017, Comfort, Dedication, Feelings, Love, pain, Poem, Quotes, Strength, Truth

Remnants of Space

Palm to palm

Across the space

Of the milky way

Of the colors that seems to blend

Of everything so still, so perfect

You are perfect

Your smile speaks of a hundred echoes across the core of the earth

Your kindness speaks of a thousand spectrum of sound waves that seems to calm everyone around

You are perfect

And this you should know

And perfect breaks, too

Like how every galaxies go

It breaks into something more perfect than before

So know that perfect breaks

From memories

From moments

From people

From you

But perfect is perfect

Intangible to everyone

Subjective to someone

But you, you are perfect and you deserve someone who’s not running away mid race

You deserve someone who’s not going to stop the flight mid air

You deserve someone who’d stay

You deserve someone who’d stand with you amidst the fear that both of you holds

You deserve the commitment

You deserve the love

But if you find someone who’d leave, know that if doesn’t make you less perfect

Perfect is being broken

Perfect is being okay

Perfect is being able to grasp the world like a two-year old

Curious

Amazed

Proud

Of the discovery

Of the joy

Of the laughter

Of the sorrow

Of the pain

Know that you were perfect even before he came, even after he left

You are galaxy

A collision of meteors and star dust

Of brilliance that shines at night and gives light at midday

You are cosmo

Residing between time and space

Of the living and non-living

A telescope is not enough to explore the ends of you

But it is the start of unconditional set-ups and get to know you’s

You are perfect

You are enough

You will find someone who’d see you as you 

But if he comes back

Or if he does not come at all

Know that you are perfect, first amongst all. 

Valete!

In dedication to my little brother. May you find the love that you deserve. 

Posted in Adventure, Comfort, Courage, Experiences, Feelings, He Said, Intimacy, Life, Love, Poem, Quotes, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Stills and Learning

Persona of notices of moments that were long gone
Persona of everything doesn’t go according to my will
Persona of a delusional future and a dysfunctional present

You’ll eventually learn that promises are notices of moments that you long to have and sometimes they’re notices of the deadlines of what could happen. You’ll eventually learn that words are just words unless you put meaning and life unto it. Until you place it in your heart and hold on to it for the rest of your life. You’ll eventually learn that expectations are part of human life and eventually they’ll rip your hearts into pieces that could morphed into the feeling of betrayal but eventually you’ll learn to laugh at yourself for believing that you’re always the first option, when in fact options are not constant in this world. Eventually you’ll learn your place in his life as mere spectator or a passing friend and you’d cope up with the loss and the pain and everything messy in between. You’ll eventually learn to distance yourself as time keeps on speeding by because velocity is something you cannot obtain easily. You’ll eventually stop writing stories in your head, stories of confessions and break-ups because you eventually learn that weaving stories in your brain is making you delusional of the future and dysfunctional of the present. Eventually you’ll learn that everything does not go according to your will and the world even if they conspire for you will eventually stab you sometimes, but you’ll eventually learn that it’s how they inculcate lessons and miracles. Eventually you’ll learn that what you learned is not enough and you have the world as your library to explore. And even if you have to do it on your own sometimes, eventually you’ll learn that being able to lean on yourself for comfort is not selfish but it’s how you learn to be sane for some time. Eventually you’ll get tired and wished that even if you’re some smart, classy, strong and independent woman there will come a time when you just want to curl on the sofa and wished that he will stroke your hair for comfort, that you will not be alone. Eventually I’m good at making up romantic scenarios but eventually I learned it will keep on letting me hope and hope comes with hurt all the time.

But…

Even if I learned those things, I will still continue on learning about you and I will never stop loving you from a distance.

Valete!