I’ve never been born an adventurer. Mom was scared of traversing through rocky plains and uncharted territories.
It’s maybe because that she never dared to step out from her comfort zone when she was young until now.
If I paint my mother.
She would have been the great land.
Unmoving, rigid, rooted
Always in the comfort of going back to what’s safe – earth.
If you met my dad, you’d know how I became an adventurer.
Dad was the captain of MV Life, journeying across great bodies of ocean
It’s maybe because of his career that pump lots of adrenaline in his body.
If I paint my father.
He would have been the great seas.
Moving, wide, punishing.
Always the dare, never the truth.
Always the thrill seeker, never the watcher.
I’m not born an adventurer, I’m not raised as an adventurer.
I’m the balance of both the great land and the great sea,
I’m the space separating the great land and the great seas,
I’m the shoreline ,
The great divide,
I’m the coastline,
The great mark of in-betweens.
I’m the certainty of the meet-up,
Of simply being punished by the great waves and being calmed by the great land.
I’m the uncertainty of the tides,
You cannot paint me but most people try.
They try to use up all the sand
They try to use up all the colors of the rainbow
Trying to paint someone who can’t be painted
Not the boundary
The bounds of the middle
The piece that’s still a question
Does the shoreline know who she wants to become?
Will she be the great land or the great seas?
Will she be both?
For I know the shoreline is the shoreline
Never the great land
Never the great seas
But always the beauty of the in-betweens
Always the meeting place
Never the place
Always the bridge
Never the lovers
Always the center
But never the world
Sometimes she want to be punishing, moving and wide
And she did, once
Or was it twice? Thrice?
No, it was until the fourth
And she did realize
That the great land is like her mind
The other side
But her heart, oh her heart,
Was always the adventurer
In the right and wrong places
Loving men who cannot grasp the kind of love she tried to give
Loving men who always will be her almost
In ways she cannot imagine having to cry
In ways she cannot imagine how to laugh
In ways she cannot imagine she has,
The power to survive rough waves
The power to continue despite the calm deep
Her heart will always be the sail
Never the sailor
The wind loved the sail
But the sailor always holds back
Her heart never holds back
On her choices
On her fears
And maybe one day I’ll realize
I’ll realize that I’ll be sailing right,
Right to where the wind will take me
Uncertain yet certain
But I know I’d be sailing it right to you
I’d be not just the center, but the world
I’d be land and the sea
Of the great beyond
Of blue and green
Of the universe that’s in me
I’d be sailing right,
Right to where I’d not just be a meeting place of star-crossed lovers,
But I’d be the place
The place where someone will be safe
The place where someone will find a home
Where I will be home.
Where I will be.
I will be.
I will be enough.
I will be eternity.
I will be loved.
Till then, I’d continue to be shoreline
At the moment, persisting to find a place where I will stay and finally call it a day.
Where someone will stay and finally call me home.
Finally, I will be the truth and not the dare.
Where finally I can say, je t’aime mon amour, bienvenue à la maison.
In dedication to my parents, thank you for being safe yet punishing, rigid yet moving. I owe what I am today because of you. Your daughter will be soaring and she will eventually find home.