At that time when you said no,
I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means
Does it mean yes but perhaps later?
When we’re slightly older,
When we can pay our own meals,
When we can pay our own bills,
That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,
When we are established,
Ready to settle,
Ready to say this is the time,
Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?
When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives
When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours
Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?
Where it’s just the two us
No prying eyes
Does it mean yes?
With hope in my heart
That someday we could be
We could find ourselves in the sand
Lying till our backs hurt
Lying till we are tanned
Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears
Spilling everything that we’re not
Spilling everything that we wish we are
No holding back
Just pure surrender?
I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found
That made my reasoning more okay
Stubborn as my heart
That maybe no means almost
We could almost danced.
We could almost held hands.
We could almost kissed.
We could almost had it.
We could almost had our moment.
We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits
And when the clues of the universe made sense
It make a lot of sense
But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago
In much worst conditions
I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though
I guess it just
I just made up reason of your no
Your no does not mean yes
Your no does not mean almost
Your no does not mean possibilities
Your no does not mean ever after
Your no means no
And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around
For it to sound yes
But the universe whispered,
“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”
But the stubborn master,
Behind the bleeding walls of the body
Who pumps and deliver
Could not wonder but ask
“What if he’s the one and he says no?”
The universe laughed
“His no will be different amongst others.”
But the stubborn master asked again
“How do you know?”
“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes
And I’d stop asking the universe for signs
I’d stop praying for things to turn around
I’d stop making idealistic stories of us
An meaningful yes’ will come
And that time it won’t be you
It will be my yes
We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that
We’d both pray for things to be fine
We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours
That I am his
That he’s mine
Till then, have fun my yes
Continue to learn, laugh and love
Till we meet
Until we meet
I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey
That you’d come
Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.
Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of
I could, I would.
In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live.