Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Choices, Dedication, Dilemma, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Life, Work

Kim’s Journal: Post Graduation


I’m currently in the dilemma of what I want to do with my life after Uni —that’s me at the moment.

A couple of months back, I already knew what I wanted. After graduation, I want to work and pick up the pieces of my life from there. I’ve sent countless of resumes and got feedbacks along the way. It’s just a matter of choice and the formality to graduate and eventually say yes to the opportunity. Trust me, that was easy back then.

Come post graduation and I found myself delaying some opportunities and saying no to other opportunities. It’s not because it does not appeal or it does not sound great, because the impact of the career to the people around me is huge, but deep inside I still could not grasp if I’m ready for it or if I’m just being lazy about what’s to come.

I’m currently in the zone that’s neither stagnant nor moving. I’m in the limbo of this adulting-world that people used to standardize as harsh, cruel and the chances of survival depends on your stamina to do things magically!

It’s like one sunny day, I woke up not wanting to do anything but wanting to do something. Things that I can’t quite figure out. Should I read a book? Should I watch a movie? Should I send another resume? Should I laze around the house? It’s like every decision is crucial because people around me keeps on noticing my world and it sometimes irks the very core of my next step, which by the way, was planned, but last minute got abandoned and now life is not planned. It’s that moment that suddenly the planner that used to be full with activities, eventually got empty but it’s not sad, it’s just empty. Void. Blank. Waiting for some miracle from the inside to flourish the passion once more. Silently praying for the adrenaline rush of planning and acting.

But for now, being lost is fine. Seeking what I really want takes time. Seeking for what you really want takes reflecting what’s inside and even if society pressures you to decide, it shouldn’t be the standard of rash choices that you used to make when you’re a student. You should not fit yourself in the jar that people tries to place you on. You can’t fit yourself and weave to their standards of having a high paying job because you were a straight A student. You can’t weave to their standards of landing a job at a top A company because you were once “cool” during Uni days. You can’t pressure yourself to get there asap because your friends landed the stage and you don’t want to be left behind. This ain’t some race of who’s better and the ones that got left behind are branded as incompetent.

I’m currently in the “between” of what I want to do and what I want to pursue. Along the lines, I also want to enjoy the rest of the days that I deprived myself of having during my student years. Yet, one thing is true, that we all need to start somewhere. That in this reality of the world, you start again. Building your name again, growing networks again, making new friendships again, until finally, you’d find yourself slowly moving a step towards what you want.

I guess what the article said is true that, “Adulting’ is scary. But it’s not a death sentence—there’s life after those 4+ years at college.”

I’m trying to find mine at the moment. Even with the prying eyes of the hawks of society. I hope you find yours, too.

 

Valete!

In dedication to the graduates, who are confused, who are lost, who are bruised of constant rejections, constant fears, of not wanting to make do-overs. Rest if you must, but don’t rest too long. Take that step, take that leap. Behind every wrong bus we take, leads us closer to the right bus. We all start somewhere. We should start somewhere.

 

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Posted in 2017, Adventure, Bravery, Courage, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Leadership, Life, Love, She Said, Strength, Truth, Uncategorized

Kim’s Journal: Graduation Pt. 1


Most people wonder how I did it.

How I managed to “balance” my academic life and my extra-curricular life.

I didn’t.

I never knew how to balance it.

I never figured out the secret formula on the balancing act.

Some days, my academics matter the most (that’s when you know I’m on the brink of getting a bad grade and you can’t see me because I’d be pulling an all-nighter and getting myself serious coffee -I usually don’t drink coffee because it will just upset my stomach). Most days, my extra-curricular activities are calling my name (that’s when I can’t even comb my hair and put on my intimidating-million-worries-face).

I don’t know the secret to balancing both life since I’ve got only one life in this game.

I’m still in awe on how I manage to snug both in one setting with me in one piece!

What I do know though, is this.

It will always begin and will always end in the spectrum of love (and priorities of course!). You don’t learn it overnight nor just a year, it’s a continuity of some sorts. The first year will be about adjusting, the next year it will go smoothly (okay maybe less) because you’ve learned the ropes.


I started being involved academically ever since I uttered “school”. Bravely defying all odds to crash the class by being late and grabbing the chalk from my teacher. Talk about being two and without manners! This probably is one of my mother’s vivid memory when I entered pre-school. Trust me, my pre-school days as what I can remember is so the spoiled me.

Moving up to grade school didn’t even tamed down the spoiled me. Though I studied, it was mainly because at the end I know I’d get my reward. I cannot remember what reward that was, but I know that if I do my best it will be waiting at the end of the finish line. They say that the highlight of my academic achievements happened during grade-school. True, but it wasn’t entirely the test of my capacity till high school came.

Dear high school, the time where I realized I’m not made to be just in class and answer questions and solve solutions. This was the first time that I laid my eyes on leadership and that was indeed love at first sight. I’ve seen girls wearing green and marching their hearts out at the amphitheater and I told myself I wanted to be like them. I didn’t get the opportunity to do that during my first year though. I ended up entering my application come second year and to tell you the truth I honestly did not expect that the training to become a girl scout in San Jose would be so hard (our training is patterned after the Boy Scouts because of the teachings of late Sir Damazo). My two weeks was hell. It drained my physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My “proud” self, the self that feels “too important” finally realized how small I am, how I don’t know everything. We do it differently in scouting, it’s more than what they say as harsh, it was more on tough love. And that’s the reason why even at times, I try to tone it down, the main influence of my leadership journey will always go back to scouting. I learned that it doesn’t make sense to lead without doing it, to scold without actually complying, to react when you don’t even try. It didn’t stop there though. It became a landslide of extra-curricular activities, from handling the Publications, to leading the Recollect Augustinian Youth (voc jams are the bomb!), to getting whirled in the life of debate and other extra-curricular activities in school. Dubbed by most people as “stressed-girl” during high school, I just laughed it off because I wasn’t stressed, I just learned how love feels like. Don’t get me wrong, even if I handled a lot of organizations, my academics is not entirely polished! I remember crying in class because I can’t balance the sheets in accounting, I remember crying because for four consecutive times, I failed in my physics exam because I could not get the answer even if the formula is given. I was that student, too. I slept late because thesis happened and slept late preparing for org events. I cried a lot when I get stressed. I usually joked around and say that crying is good for my eyes because it’s cleansing. But eventually, my academics went and moved according to the flow and my organizations followed suit.

What I can say is that truly, I’m not just made to just sit in class. I’ve learned the very essential values in extra-curricular activities. I’ve been shout at by my mentors with lines that goes, “Apolinar, don’t give me problems. Give me solutions to your problems!” Or “Apolinar, everyone is dispensable. Just because you are the best doesn’t mean you can’t get replaced. So practice!” And my favorite line, “Humility, always.”

Looking back, I guess that’s how I got tough. Looking back, I couldn’t be anymore proud to my mentors and leaders way back. I owe to it to Tita Grace, , to Mommy Quat, to Miss Seville, to Ma’am Tomaroy, Kuya Melvin and among many others. Looking back, I owe my experience to them to who I am now, what I am now and where I am now.
I told myself that it would be pure stupidity to enter in org activities during college. Indeed, I was the funny one because during the first week of college, I remembered crying (okay guys, himi jud kaayo ko) because I don’t have anything to do and it was driving me insane! The best decision was to join orgs and it was truly the best decision.

I’d always have my Debate, JJD and SSC to thank for throughout my college life. For continuously molding me and challenging me to try to find ways to handle organizations. Trust me, it wasn’t easy! I was trained differently and I got slightly confused on how to adjust. On some cases, that wasn’t the case. I’m still the strict person who’d always nag about deadlines, cleanliness, being on time, and whatever I find at that moment. Debate though was another story! It was more of like finding a reason to stay, and I couldn’t be anymore prouder because in staying, I’ve learned the value of what it means to be in love. So as the council, I promised to never get involved when I will reach my fourth year in Uni because I would dedicate my last year studying and spending it with the friends and answering invitations of conferences in the country and even abroad. But it didn’t happen that way though. But I never regretted it because if I didn’t entered the council, I would never know the people who would become my earphones and shock absorbers. I’d always be thankful to the council for letting me learn and open up the soft side of myself (secretly haha).

I’ve maybe witnessed my growth. Maybe people who have been with me witnessed my growth. Whichever way.

I still remember doing my org list if I get bored at class and doing my acad list if I know that I might fail the subject.

I’ve had this idea that I’d only bring my homeworks to the house and leave org matters at school. Guess what? I’m not bringing both because the house is for sleeping and binge-watching series!

College was entirely different in terms of academics. The competition scene is there but it was mostly on how I manage to endure not sleeping early and making written works. Trust me, I feel like half of my college days was spent sleeping because I can’t think clearly when it comes to my academics. But the feeling to get a low grade because I didn’t study made me challenge myself more because I have this idea that if I studied, I would have gotten a better grade plus a different set of reward was waiting so I had to make an effort.

I guess it’s a matter of priorities and goal setting. I guess it’s always that. I still put my acads on top of my to-do-list and label my organizations according to importance. And though I skipped class because of my orgs, trust me, I cried on that, too! It will always be a burden for me to catch up, but I love the thrill and the excitement of both and I guess that I might suck at building my own studying habit (which I do recommend to have one!), I managed to suck it up and work my way.

The road wasn’t easy. This is where my family and friends comes in and I couldn’t be anymore than happier. I will never forget their nagging and pressures to live up being responsible! Indeed, it surely pays off.



I guess this is for the days that I didn’t go home, this is for the Sunday’s and the week that I’m away to some place debating, or fixing an event. This is for the idea that I’ve become a boarder in my parent’s house. This is for the days that I want to give up and quit. This is for the days that I recited the Desiderata for guidance and the Don’t Quit Poem for motivation. This is for the days that I said, “go on, Kimmy, try again. And this time try super hard! You are superwoman anyway. So suck it up and don’t cry ma ruin imong eyeliner.” This is for the days that I asked fro help from the people around me. This is for everyone who has been my inspiration.

So congrats, self! For slightly breaking the idea that just because your life revolves on your extra-curricular activities, you can’t excel academically.


With that, it’s your turn to defy some traditional lines and be a modern superhero 😉

 

Valete!

Posted in 2017, Adventure, Dreams, Experiences, Feelings, Graduating, Life, Strength, Truth, Uncategorized

Amazing AB-IS

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(below is the transcript of my speech during the tribute)

Dr. Glenn G. Pajares, Dean, College of Arts and Sciences

Our beloved professors, Dr. Angel Espiritu II, Mr. Allan Quinanola

Panel, IS Students, 4th years, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Good Evening!

The only thing that is constant in the world is change. The hands of time is not an exemption to this. Finally! The four years of (maybe) because I’m not sure; burning midnight candles (as if), cramming for an exam (true to some), doing homeworks at home (who are we kidding?) but mostly doing homeworks in school, writing (typing, copying and pasting not from Wikipedia because we know better) reading JSTOR.ORG. The four years of struggle, the happiness, the sadness, the moments that are in between in quest for tertiary education will finally be over soon.

For four years, I’ve listened to stories of why we chose the course. A few was because, “my parents picked it for me”, some was because “I have nowhere to go and the course sounds good”, others was because they like the course, but most was because they said “walang Math” but who are kidding? Math A palang daan na Business Math plus gi pun.an pa ug Math D na Statistics, wala juy Math diba? But amidst all reasons whether we did not start loving the course 100% for the first time, for the second time, or for the third, for the fourth, or even for the fifth time, we eventually invested and sometimes we fail for a few times and fell for it a hundred times over.

As you open the doors of our favorite classroom, favorite because mostly we spent all/ half our time there. 418A, 419A, 402 and don’t forget 321. You’ll see people from different walks of life, with different interests and personality and you begin to wonder how we come together? We just simply tolerate one another, no, I’m kidding, we, as the 5th Conflict Management Style notes: Collaborating for questions that need answers.

An anarchic form of government system is I’d describe the class for the first time, but eventually it’s just a mellow form to different states promoting their self-interest. In the case of Canada, headed by Prime Minister Renato “Arzel” Alondres III who makes the class lighter and less burdensome with his valid but laughable questions and answers and continues to fight for wanting to immigrate to Canada alongside with the energetic and best advisers Byl and Carl. The class will always burst into happiness. With Byl’s bestfriend in the name of Salve, Reginald who collects money from the class and spams your inbox which apparently is very useful especially to his archnemesis Clyde Castillo who for four years never failed to bully each one in the class and you learn to either ignore or fight back like the mean girls who wears pink on Wednesdays. Let’s hid their names as Sheen, Nic, Ada and Kim. On the other side of the mean girls table are the good girls who continues to make diplomatic notes despire the chaos that’s happening around. Jessa Aunzo, Cristel Dagaraga, Krystel Arabaca, Kim Allosada, Kate Segovia, Ciara Dinopol, Isabelle Oamilda, Marianne Yanson, Jessa Embalzado, and Joanna Villaraiz ,who trust me, are diplomatic note takers in the morning but k-popers at night which by the way, their lead singer is “Salve”. Diba revelations? On the other side of the coin, a very observant state comes into place with Rae, Shiela and Mairiz but don’t underestimate, they talk back when they are not pleased! Mary Grace, Queenie and Jasmine, the singing trio, you need people who’ll do your intermission number? Call them but convince them! With Ate Kim if ever you need clothes, Jemicha and Sheraleen if you need beauty products or tips, and Tara (who’ll graduate next sem with Kate). Oh, and don’t forget the American Politics book Fern warned Mona and Jen who loves to read books and who apparently are the people who finished a book in the entire four years stay. This class has been what they say, but to us, this class no matter what will always be something. From passing thesis, overcoming reports, from a shy individual to being confident. You name it!

They say that endings are beginning and that indeed is true. Endings also leaves a bittersweet memory for conversations for the future. Though we started as forty in class and some found their purpose in life, some graduated ahead of us, while others will follow suit. We will always be the Amazing AB-IS 1, 2, 3, and finally 4 as our secret group in Facebook says. As we go on with our lives, we’d always be thankful for our alma matter, our teachers, our classmates, the International Studies family for making our stay wonderful despite everything else. Ladies and Gentlemen, as the line of the song goes, with a little bit of twist, “We didn’t start the fire it was always burning since the worlds been turning, we didn’t start the fire but it will continue to burn and we when we leave we will always pay it forward.” Good Evening!

 

Valete!