Posted in 2017, Choices, Dedication, Experiences, Feelings, Future, Life, Love, pain, Quotes, Relationships, She Said, Strength, Truth, Walls

Abundance of Noes

A meaningful no is better than an empty yes
At that time when you said no,

I’ve weaved reasons as to what it means

Does it mean yes but perhaps later?

When we’re slightly older,

When we can pay our own meals,

When we can pay our own bills,

Older

That signifies an additional year or two or even ten,

When we are established,

Ready to settle,

Ready to say this is the time,

Does it mean yes but perhaps in another lifetime?

When we can’t risk bonds and ropes woven in our lives

When we can’t sever ties of friendships, of relationships beyond ours

Does it mean yes but perhaps not in this world?

Where it’s just the two us

No judgments

No prejudices

No lies

No boundaries

No prying eyes

Just us

Does it mean yes?

With hope in my heart

That someday we could be

We could find ourselves in the sand

Lying till our backs hurt

Lying till we are tanned

Spilling our dreams, our hopes and our fears

Spilling everything that we’re not 

Spilling everything that we wish we are

No holding back

Just pure surrender?
I’ve come to learn from the books that I’ve read and the articles that I’ve found

That made my reasoning more okay

More bearable

More kind

Stubborn as my heart

That maybe no means almost

We could almost danced.

We could almost held hands.

We could almost kissed.

We could almost had it.

We could almost had our moment.

We could almost be.
But my stubbornness has its limits

And when the clues of the universe made sense

It make a lot of sense

Unforgiving

Harsh

But I’ve been made and shaped by the universe long ago

In much worst conditions

I guess it didn’t hurt that much now though

I guess it just

Stings

I just made up reason of your no

Your no does not mean yes

Your no does not mean almost

Your no does not mean possibilities

Your no does not mean ever after

Your no means no

And I asked and begged for the universe to turn it around

For it to sound yes

But the universe whispered,

“Oh darling, when the time comes, when he comes, when the one is really for you, you won’t be begging for me, he will stay, his yes will be yes.”

But the stubborn master,

Behind the bleeding walls of the body

Who pumps and deliver

Could not wonder but ask

“What if he’s the one and he says no?”

The universe laughed

“His no will be different amongst others.”

But the stubborn master asked again

“How do you know?”

“You don’t. You just feel. And it feels right.”
An abundance of your no that’s what it means to get one meaningful yes

And I’d stop asking the universe for signs

I’d stop praying for things to turn around

I’d stop making idealistic stories of us
An meaningful yes’ will come

And that time it won’t be you

It will be my yes

We’ll meet and we’d talk about how funny it was that

We’d both pray for things to be fine

And

We’d both thank the universe that we’re both ours

That I am his

That he’s mine

Till then, have fun my yes

Continue to learn, laugh and love

Till we meet

Until we meet

I’d continue to bend my knees and wish you well on your journey 

That you’d come

Ready to learn, laugh and love with me.

Without reservations

Without hesitations

Without restrictions

Without reasons

Where finally, yes means yes, no means no, and maybe, just maybe means in-between-of 

I could, I would.
Valete!

In dedication to everyone’s no’s and almost’s. May you find your yes, not your no’s, not your almost’s. Continue to love and get stung until it feels right. Don’t settle for someone who’d play you around and does not take you seriously, you are worth more than games and dares. I hope you understand that this ain’t some race, you are worth more than that and someone will take you seriously. So don’t fret, just continue to breathe and don’t forget to live. 

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Author:

A dose of failures, a couple of heartaches, a dozen of everlasting memories, a hundred of survival diaries, a thousand of beautiful moments worth capturing all in one undying international art — writing. This feature every bits and pieces of my life (not that vain though). Whether it’s to wear a dress or wear jammies, to write a sentence or to write a poem, to challenge negative beliefs or to debate my beliefs, to momentarily travel or to stay at home, to crave spicy foods or to just eat plain vanilla ice cream. Whatever spectrum I am in, I think I have found my place in this wonderful world. Valete!

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