Posted in Dreams, Feelings, Life, Love, Poem, She Said

Dreaming and Wanting

The spaces in between will be filled, soon.

In another world, where galaxies meet.

Perhaps, I’d find myself wanting a kid.

Perhaps a daughter, perhaps a son.

Their eyes will sparkle like the stars. It holds secrets and hopes of the world. I’d let them see how beautiful people are.  No matter what race they belong, nor the color of their skin. That the skin is nothing, but what is important is the soul we have deep inside. That souls are wonderfully engraved upon our bodies teaching us that one way or another we are all the same.

With mouths that will speak of love. It will never be afraid to speak of Thank You’s and I’m Sorry’s and I Love You’s. They’d say it. But they need to be afraid to use the words that hurt and that judge. Never use them over two men who kissed each other at the road, nor two women holding hands at the Harbor.

With hands that glitter of dreams. It will make and produce music. Music that no matter how other people will treat it, I will still cherish it. It will paint the white walls in the house with art. Varied and colorful, I will remind them that they are so beautifully made by a Higher Being from spectrum of colors beyond their reach. Their hands will be filled with life that it will create the life of giving and helping other people. It will never be afraid to lend a hand to draw a house, build some bricks or to simply lend a hand to those elderly crossing the street.

With feet that are so strong like the gushing waves. It will never give up from the very long race of life. It will be programmed to rest just like most people, but it will never give up like the rest. It will be there to support them through tough times when mommy cannot come because they are oceans apart. It will be there to make them comfortable, it will be there to take them to places beyond their imagination. It will grant them independence to explore the world, and I will be there to tell them my journey with their grandfathers and grandmothers, my journey with their aunt and uncles, my journey with my self and the most important story is my journey with their dad. It will build them up and when they stumble, I will let them laugh at their silliness but I will never ever pick them up. They need to learn that they are strong and can do it on their own.

With minds that are so vast like the universe. It will read every book and try everything! It will debate social issues and will try to solve them. Their minds will be a book, so open, so liberated! They’d never be afraid to ask questions and raise right opinions. It will be there to guide them to be street smart just like their mother, and it will be there to command and discipline just like their father. Their minds will be filled with knowledge, but I will let them know that to seek knowledge is to know nothing.

And with hearts that gives like no other. I will tell them the story of how walls were built to protect people from getting hurt, but the lesson is not to build high walls but to lower it down because the person waiting for them is at the other side. I’d tell them how I met their dad and the first time around isn’t like the movies they have watched, because the first time I met their dad it was at the school fair, or some musical event. It doesn’t matter which place, but when I met their dad, the encounter was messy, I was messy. I was made of high walls and I built it higher and higher and higher, no one dared to climb. Their dad never climbed at all! They’d ask me why did I end up with their dad. I’d tell them he was soft, he made me laugh, he doesn’t stop talking and asking about how my day went, he was there like a bestfriend, he treated me right, he was funny, he was everything. At first I didn’t get it but their dad was an honest man. He told me that he’d love me and would never stop making me his. It wasn’t a call for possession, it was a call for their mommy. I was a mess and I almost messed up everything, but I now know that hearts are mysterious and you can never figure it out. Yet, their mommy managed to figure it out a bit. Their mommy, the strong and fearless, their mommy who vowed to never be tamed, did not get tame at the end. Instead, she learned to lower her pride and accept that someone like their daddy loved her the way she is. It was magical. The heart is magical. Their hearts will be magical.

When I will have a son or daughter, I will teach them the things that I am not.

They’d be speaking sense in my life, when I will forget the gripping moments of my youth. I can have fun and live life. I will tell them stories of survival and passion, but I will not tell them that the world will hurt them. It will be up to them to discover it. I’d never take away the thrill and the mystery. But I will be there when it’s over.

And once the world will disappoint them and hurt them, I’d tell them it’s not okay. But it’s okay to be sad and to cry.

Cry because it hurts. Cry because it doesn’t make you weak.  It makes you human. Mommy will always be there.

But right now, I am okay. I am fine seeing kids smile because I made a goofy face, I am fine making them laugh, I am fine playing with them as a sister, as a friend.

Right now this is enough.

And being a mother in the near future, much less believe someone is still there to love me, I still cannot fathom it.





A dose of failures, a couple of heartaches, a dozen of everlasting memories, a hundred of survival diaries, a thousand of beautiful moments worth capturing all in one undying international art — writing. This feature every bits and pieces of my life (not that vain though). Whether it’s to wear a dress or wear jammies, to write a sentence or to write a poem, to challenge negative beliefs or to debate my beliefs, to momentarily travel or to stay at home, to crave spicy foods or to just eat plain vanilla ice cream. Whatever spectrum I am in, I think I have found my place in this wonderful world. Valete!

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